Crows go, listen, perform, and enjoy live music, at cawnsorts.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What cartoon do horses like to watch?
Whinny the Pooh.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
You cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo and you end up with a turtle
neck jumper.
A guy wearing a suit and tie walks into a bar with an alligator…
He walks up to the bartender and asks, “Do you serve lawyers here?”
“Yes sir, we do,” says the bartender.
The guy smiles and says, “Great. Then I’ll have a beer, and my ‘gator will have a lawyer.”
How do you know when a cephalopod has been using your toilet?
Squid marks.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you call a thirsty camel ?
A dry humper.
How do flamingos clean themselves? They flaminget a shower.
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What do you call an ant who doesn’t smell anymore?
Deodor-ant.
What's the opposite of a positive crocodile?
A negator
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
What do you call the door to a chicken barn?
The hen-trance.
He has some good puns on crows, but he doesn’t have to keep crowing about it.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
Ever heard of Cawsmopolitan? It is one of the best magazines for crows.
How do you count cows?
With a cowculator.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What does a cow ride when his car is broken?
A COW-asaki MOO-torcycle.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Did you hear about the kangaroo with glasses?
He had to go to the hopthalmologist.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
Why do spider-musicians always have such long concert tours?
Because they have so many legs.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
Never trust a flamingo unless you can be sure it has fully fledged ideas.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
Why did the giraffe graduate early?
He was head and shoulders above the rest of the class.
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
How many dinosaurs can fit in an empty box ? One . After that, the box isn't empty anymore!
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