What kind of materials do dinosaurs use for the floor of their homes? Rep Tiles
What do you get if cross a turtle with a giraffe and a kangaroo?
A turtle-neck jumper.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball!
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What do you call a mouse that doesn’t like being known about-?
Anonymouse.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
The hipster beaver denied swimming in the river. He said it was too main-stream.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do you get when you mix an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia.
What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
Why did the bunny eat the wedding ring? Because he heard it was 18 carrots.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Looking after more than one elephant at a time requires the ability to multi-tusk.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
What’s a snow princess’s glow worm’s favourite song?
Let it Glow, Let it Glow!
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Which dinosaur can't stay out of the rain? A Stegosaur-rust
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
Which hotel do mice most often use?
The Stilton.
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