What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What Did The Duck Say When The Waitress Came?
Put it on my bill!
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
Why did the cat want to learn to fly?
She wanted to try bats.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
What card game do crocodiles like playing?
Snap!
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
How do you plan to shell-ebrate the New Year?
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
When someone accidentally stepped on his foot, the wolf screamed, Aoooowwwww!
The weather's getting colder, I really fancy some hot croc-o-late.
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
How do you apologize to a koala? BEAR your heart and soul.
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
How do you catch a unique tiger?
Unique up on it.
How do you catch a tame tiger?
Tame way.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Why did the bat often use mouthwash? She had bat breath.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
What did they call prehistoric sailing disasters? Tyrannosaurus wrecks.
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