What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why was the baby ant confused?
Because all his uncles were ants.
What is a snake’s favorite TV show?
Monty Python.
What’s a spiders favorite barbecue food?
Corn on the cobweb.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
What did the baby deer say to his friend?
“I’m so fawn-d of you!”
What did the Clydesdale use to deal cards at the casino?
A horse-shoe.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
Q. Which kind of cheese is made fom deer milk?
A. Moose-erella.
Q. What do you get if you cross a gorilla with a grizzly bear?
A. Fired from the zoo.
Why did the T-Rex cross the road?
Because the chicken hadn’t evolved yet.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
What did the owl’s valentine say?
You are hootiful.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do you call two kangaroos who live together?
Roo-mates.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
What do rabbits like to sing? “Every bunny was kung fu fighting.”
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Why do worms hate graveyards?
They keep bumping into skeletons!
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
Why was the UN concerned when the waiter dropped Thanksgiving dinner?
Because it meant the fall of turkey, the ruin of grease, and the breakup of china.
I saw a really cool kangaroo the other day
It had a hip hop
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Did the dinosaur take a bath ? Why, is there one missing?
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
Flamingos can get away with the most outrageous behaviour and you’d never know that they were embarrassed. This is because you can never tell when they are blushing.
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
What does a deer hang on its Christmas tree?
“Horn – aments.”
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