Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
Q. What do biologists call an insane stag that's out running amok?
A. Deer-ranged.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
Two goats are married, living on a farm. Billy Goat says, "I really want children. Let's make some babies."
Betty Goat responds, "Heck no. No baby goats for me..."
"I'm not kidding."
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
What country do cows love to visit?
Moo Zealand.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
"Dad, what's it called if I like both boys and girls," the buffalo said.
"I believe would be a bi-son," his father replied.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
What happened when 100 hares got loose on Main Street? The police had to comb the area.
I wanted to catch a squirrel but I didn't know how.
So I decided to climb a tree and act like a nut.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What's more amazing than a talking bat? A spelling bee!
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Only 2. They'll fit.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What type of cat belongs to the baker? One that’s pure-bread
Why don’t penguins fly?
They are not tall enough to be pilots.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with a python? A 15 foot strip light that can strangle you to death.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Did you hear about the woman who complained about her rabbit stew? She said there was a hare in her soup.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Q. Why did the gorilla go to the barber?
A. He was concerned about his ape-pearance.
Why do penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they don’t have any pockets!
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What is a seals favorite subject?
Art Art Art Art!
What did the beaver say to his girlfriend?
Chew make me feel warm and fuzzy on the inside.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
Q. How do you describe a deer joke with a screwed up punch line?
A. Bucked up.
Which dinosaur is pure evil? Daemonosaurus.
What do you get if you cross a wasp with a doorbell?
A hum-dinger!
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
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