Where do beavers sleep? They sleep on a river bed.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Where do penguins go swimming?
At the South Pool!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Did you hear the joke about the lumberjack, The sheep and the goat?
I wood tell ewe, but it’s a baaaaaad joke
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
What did the large baby deer say when he met his favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn!”
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
What type of food do worms like?
Your Halloween Candy!
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
An arrogant gazelle walks up to a bunch of lions and tells them how much better he is than them.
He was consumed by pride.
What does a snail wear to go dancing?? Escargogo boots.
I heard some crows communicating after one of their own was injured.
They were caws for concern.
What kind of eels can travel on land?
Wheels.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
How did the shark plead in its murder trial?
Not gill-ty.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
How do bats tell their future?
They read their horrors-cope.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
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