When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What do you get when you cross a fawn with a bumblebee?
Bambee.
How did the penguin pass his driving test?
He winged it.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
Scientists transformed a tiger into a horse.
Don't worry, it's in a stable condition.
What do you call a camel without humps?
Humphrey.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What is a gorillas second favourite fruit to eat behind bananas?=
Ape-ricots
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
I’m putting an official ban on rabbit puns. They are not bunny anymore.
Why did the pony turn himself in?
He felt rem-horse.
I'm giving away a free legless parrot.
No perches necessary.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
What do you say when your horse proposes to your other horse?
Call the marrier!
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
My zebra is a rubbish ballet dancer. I think he’s got two left feet.
How do you make a glow worm happy?
Cut off his tail, he’ll be de-lighted!
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
What was the owl’s favorite Whitney Houston song?
Owl always love you.
How many mosquito's does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Only 2, no idea how they got there.
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do worms leave round their baths? The scum of the earth.
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