What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What do you call a royal giraffe?
Your highness.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
When pigs work together, it’s known as collab-boar-ation.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
How do you know a flmaingo has stolen your shoes?
Only one shoe is missing.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off?
A tiger moth.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
What our parents tortoise was to be kind to each other.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What did the deer say to his friend who has slipping down the mountain?
Hang on for deer life!
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do you call a secret group of llamas?
The i-llama-nati.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
What do you call it when a marsupial tricks you?
A kanga-ruse.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
When doing laundry, the mother wolf accidentally fell into the washing machine. It became a wash and wearwolf.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
If you were in the jungle, and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off his tail, he'll be de-lighted.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Why did the gorilla have to visit the vet?
He wasn't peeling well
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
What would a crow wear to the Halloween party? A crown!
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
What Do Ducks Have With Soup?
Quackers
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