How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
My pet parrot, Nickel, just passed away.
Now I have a Nickel-less cage.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
Why did they take Polly away?
He went crackers!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call a zoo that has only giraffes in it?
Giraffic Park.
What did the baby rabbit say before his favorite holiday? I carrot wait for the Easter Bunny to visit.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Where do cows get together?
The meet market.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
Why did Jesus ask Judas to crave the turkey?
Beause he knows he likes stabbing others in the back.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
The wolf crossed the road because it was chasing the chicken.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
Who cleans all the mess created by beavers after their beach trip? Mer-maids.
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
How do you save a drowning otter? Take your foot of its head
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
I just watched a documentary about beavers. It was the best dam show I’ve ever seen.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What do you call a gorilla with no arms?
An ape-utee
When you swat a mosquito on your arm
Its death is in vein.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
I had a nightmare about being attacked by a shark.
When I woke up I realized it was just a bream.
How does a penguin get around?
By icicle.
What is the name of the final exam you take when studying bird law? The crow bar.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
What is the most affordable type of meat that we would purchase?
“Dear balls because they are always under a buck.”
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
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