How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
Elephants will toil all day, and they work for peanuts.
What do penguins sing at a birthday party?
Freeze a Jolly Good Fellow.
What’s black and white and goes up and down?
A panda who’s stuck in a lift.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call an alligator that’s a very skilled conversationalist?
A dialogator.
How does a group of sea turtles make a decision?
They flipper a coin.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
Q: Which U.S. state do tigers like the most?
A: Maine.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What do you call a spiders child?
An arach-kid.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Why are rabbits so lucky? They have four rabbit’s feet.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
Q: Why did the beaver need an alarm clock?
A: It was to dam early.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
What’s a llama’s favorite movie?
Alpacalypse Now.
Where did the bunny groom and bunny bride go after their wedding? On a bunnymoon.
Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? Because she had no guts!
What did the woodworm say to the chair?
It's been nice gnawing you.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
I would rather breed mice than crows
Mischief is one thing, but I don't think I can pull off a murder.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars ? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
Why can’t a rooster ever get rich?
Because he works for chicken feed.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What do you call a well-balanced horse?
Stable.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
The turkey says, "gobble, gobble."
I appreciate it when food comes with instructions.
Why did it take the teen pig so long to get ready for school in the morning?
She was very piggy when it comes to choosing what to wear!
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a large chested crab?
One’s a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean
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