I went to the zoo today....
only to find out that some aquatic mammals had escaped.
It was otter chaos.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
How do you make a milkshake?
Give a cow a pogo stick.
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What did the snail say as he slipped down the wall? How slime flies!
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Why did the cat decide to sleep under the car? Because she wanted to wake up oily!
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
Q. Where do gorillas get their gossip?
A. From the grapevine.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What do you name a synthetic parrot?
PollyEster
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye?
A do-you-think-he-saur-us.
What do you call a mosquito with a turbo?
A bug-hati.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
What birds like to write?
Penguins!
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
I thought of premeditated murder and a flash mob of crows came to my mind.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Where does a Tyrannosaurus sit when he comes to stay? Anywhere he wants to.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What kind of horse would Bilbo Baggins ride?
A shire.
Why did the tadpole feel lonely?
Because he was newt to the area.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Why are glow worms good to carry in your bag? They can lighten your load.
Q. Which game do hunters go after first?
A. The nearest and the deerest.
Why does the horse go to school?
It brings her fulfillyment.
If you see a wasp, don't kill it. Let it bee.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Zebras usually hold strong opinions. They are very black and white creatures.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Why was the cow always exercising? To build up its moo-scles
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