Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
Why don’t monkeys play cards in the jungle?
Because there are too many cheetahs.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
How do you prepare a Gorilla sundae? Your start getting it ready Fridae and Saturdae!
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
What’s another popular Christmas song that baby koalas like to sing? “Joey to the World”, of course!
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
Where did the duck go when he was sick? A:
To the ducktor.
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
A family of beavers were walking across a river. During that time, the dad said to the family: “Dam it.”
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Why was the teenager deer a bad driver?
He didn’t want to use the deering wheel.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
Why did the bees go on strike? Because they wanted more honey and shorter working flowers.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
What is a giraffe’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
Which sea creatures cry the most?
Whales!
What’s a whale’s favorite movie?
The Humpback Of Notre Dame.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
What kind tree grows chickens?
Poultry.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
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