How do whales make a decision?
They flipper coin.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do you call an alligator who’s your friend?
A pal-igator.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
What do you call a liquid kangaroo?
Marsoupial.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a crab with boobs?
One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do you call a light-headed elephant?
An ele-faint.
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
I saw a mosquito in the kitchen. I could have killed it, but I let it fly away...
That's probably going to come back to bite me later.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Why did the bat fire a chauffeur?
He drove everyone batty.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
What would you rather be, a polar bear or a little otter. A little (h)otter
Our flamingo colleague was leaving for a new job recently. We all told him to flamingo for it.
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to Thanksgiving?
Because he wouldn't share the drumsticks.
Why Was The Teacher Annoyed With The Duck?
Because he wouldn't quit quackin' jokes!
What is a bunny’s motto? Don’t be mad, be hoppy!
Heard about the beaver who can split huge logs with his eyes? Yes, he just saw the logs, and they broke into two.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Wolves love taking woofles for breakfast, they are sweet and amazing.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Why did the frog go to the bank with a gun?
He wanted to robbit.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What sound do 8 sheep make?
Octo-bah.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Did you know that you only need two letters to spell Panda?
You just need P and A.
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