How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
A Bee?
A bee who?
A beaver is building a dam on the river.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
The sweetest and punny name to call a pig is Mudpie.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
When you cross a sheep and a wolf, you will end up with a new sheep, you can’t make such a costly mistake with wolves.
Is a goat that eats office supplies on a staple diet?
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat? 'Here Kitty, kitty, kitty'!
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
Llama know if you don’t like these puns and alpaca my suitcase and leave!
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Our kids tee ball team, the Tigers, won the championship. All the parents were very proud and put in for a little statuette of the front of a tiger to give them to celebrate. When it came in, for some reason it was the back half of a tiger.
Needless to say, it was a cat ass trophy.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
What’s the great white shark’s favorite candy?
Jaw-Breakers.
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
What's a frog's favorite game?
Hop-scotch (or leapfrog).
Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
At What Time Does A Duck Wake Up?
At the quack of dawn.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
What position did the young vampire bat play on the football team?
Quater-bat.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
What did the Gorilla say to his friend when he called him back on the phone?
You-Rang-a-Tang?
What do you do if you find a blue Ichthyosaur ? Cheer him up!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
My grandfather recently passed, and I discovered in his journal that he has an immense hatred for sloths, pandas, and koala bears. Looking back, it was obvious.
He was always going on about those darn tree-huggers.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
Where do parrots get away on holiday? To the beak!
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
I hate worms and snakes because they have no feet.
You might say that I am lacktoes intolerant.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
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