What Do You Call A Cat That Swallows A Duck?
A duck-filled-fatty-pus
What has more lives than a cat?
A frog because it croaks every night.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
What do you call an elephant that never washes?
A smelly-phant.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
Q. How do you make a sasquatch, a yeti, or a bigfoot laugh?
A. Tell it a gorilla joke!
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
And the collective nouns go: a murder of crows, a herd of cows, a migraine of children.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
What did the carrot say to the rabbit? Do you want to grab a bite?
How much does it cost to fly Santa’s sleigh?
About 9 bucks.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
Why does a horse’s hair always look so good?
She mane-tains it.
Flamingos can be a bit of a daring bunch. In fact, they always fly by the seat of their pants.
Did you hear about the guy who killed a group of catholic crows?
It was Mass murder
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
Don't give up at this stage, just keep cawing on, you will do great.
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
Why was the horse sad she didn’t get the job?
She was flanking on it.
What do you get when a penguin lays an egg on a hill?
An eggroll.
What do penguins wear on their heads?
Ice caps.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
Why did the tiger lose at poker?
Because he was playing with a cheetah.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
I asked a beaver out on a date. The beaver replied: “Gnaw.” I said: “Dam.”
To whom did the squirrel go to seek out his fortune.
Nutradamus.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What Kind of Books do Rabbits Read? Ones with Hoppy Endings.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
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