What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What kind of underwear do monkeys wear?
Chimpantsies.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
I just got back from Dubai where I was offered 40 camels for my wife.
I usually smoke Marlboro but hey... a deal's a deal.
What do you call fifty penguins at the North Pole?
Really lost. (Penguins live in the Southern Hemisphere)!
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What kind of ice cream do pigs like best?
Hoggin Daz!
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
What do you call a large gorilla who appears to be in a bad mood?
Sir.
What did the deer say after she did her friend a favor?
“You doe me!”
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
Where do crows type? Crows type on cawmputers.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
How could you tell the horse was getting old?
It was wither-ing away.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
Our lobster neighbors never give us gifts during the holidays!
They’re so shellfish.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
Q. Why was the stag thrown in the army brig?
A. Due to deer-eliction of duty.
What do you call a penguin in a shell suit?
An egg.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
How did the horse solve a murder?
Compiled newspaper clippings.
Why did the koala bear eat so much eucalyptus? He simply couldn’t leaf it alone.
Why cant a mosquito stand on his feet?
because they dont have mosquiTOES.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
What to spiders eat in Paris?
French flies.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
Q. Where can you view sculptures and paintings created by deer?
A. At the art moose-seum.
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
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