What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What does a beaver from Philly drink?
Wooder.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Baby seal walks into a club...
Years later he would sing A kiss from a rose in the same club.
Why can't you take a turkey to church? They use FOWL language.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
Why are giraffes so slow to apologize?
Because it takes them a long time to swallow their pride.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
How do llamas say “Merry Christmas” in Spanish?
Fleece Navidad.
What do you call writing a book about breeding bats to pull carriages? A wheely bat idea.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
What happened when the bat swallowed the alarm-clock?
She turned into a ding-bat.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
Which dance will a chicken not do?
The foxtrot.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
A beaver told a joke about a waterfall. It was a pour joke.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
What does a cat say when it gets injured? MeOWWW!
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
What do you call a pig with three eyes?
A piiig!
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
What do you call an ant who can see into the future?
Clairvoy-ant.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Did you get to hear his new collection of wolf puns? They are howl-arious, absolutely rib cracking.
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What kind of shoes do mice wear? Squeakers.
What do sloths throw in winter? Slowballs.
What do cats wear to bed? Paw-jamas.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
What is one of the big tiger's most favorite hangout places? A shopping maul.
If you need a mystery-solving, just call an in-vesti-gator.
So what did the Mother bee say to her misbehaving bee son
"Beehive!"
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
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