A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
Why had the beaver left the pond? He thought it was too shallow.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you use to get paint off a snake?
Serpentine.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
I gave my wife that new gorilla glue chapstick...🦍💄
It left her speechless
Why do flamingos make bad pets? They are too much of a birden.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
How was the first giraffe made?
Chuck Norris uppercut a horse.
What’s a horse’s favorite animated movie?
Bolt.
Flamingoes have a special name for one of their numbers who has passed away. They call it flamingone.
What do you get when you cross a bat with a doorbell?
A ding-bat.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What’s does a winged horse like to munch on?
Pe-grass-us.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Something’s goat to give.
Where’s a dolphin’s favorite place to drink?
A dive bar!
Why don’t bats sleep like the rest of us?
They can't get the hang of it.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
What’s a whale’s favorite James Bond movie?
A License To Krill.
A tiger lost a storytelling competition recently as he has only got one tail.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
I ate an omelette for breakfast…
but I’m still feeling peckish.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
Why did the whale cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What does the Pope eat during Lent?
Holy mackerel.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
What do you get when you cross a kangaroo with an angry man? A kangryoo
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
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