What squeaks as it solves crimes?
Miami mice!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
My pet owl will soon turn 180.
He's not old, he just has a bad neck.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
What Do You Call A Clever Duck?
A wise quacker
Where does a rottweiler sit in the cinema?
Anywhere it wants to.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
How do you say farewell to a very optimistic insect?
Buoyant!
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
The flock of crows that were sprayed with sewage was a true definition of murder most foul.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Crowing, crowing, gone.
Why does a duck say quack?
Because it can’t say moo.
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
What did the seal say to the walrus after dating him for three months?
I think we should sea otter people.
What’s a bats favorite desert?
I-Scream!
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
What kind of car do fancy horses drive?
Mustangs.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
Beavers enjoy being in the company of a river because they go with the flow.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
What do you call an alligator that has all the other gators at the swamp crown around him?
A congregator.
The tiger asked his longtime friend, "Will you be my tigerlfriend."
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
What do you call a pony running in a circle? Centrifugal horse.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What did the jockey respond when someone asked to ride his horse?
“Dis-mount is mine.”
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What soccer position does a pink flamingo play? Flamingoalie.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
I really like the Lion King
and every day the urge to sing one of the songs is just a whim away, a whim away, a whim away.
What goes white black white black white black red?
A panda that falls from a cliff.
Did you hear about the constipated crocodile?
It was a crockashit.
A bear covered in a bunch of crows gives the picture of a grizzly murder.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What is an owl’s dream occupation?
Flight attendant.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What do the squirrels do when they are bored ?
watch NutFlix
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What’s a goat’s favorite drink?
Goat-arade.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
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