Where do horses buy groceries?
Whinny-Dixie.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
A rare black tiger is spotted in India
Everywhere else it has stripes.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
What dinosaur is always sad? Cryalotosaurus
Where do frogs leave their hats and coats?
In the croakroom.
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Q. How do you describe the inate behavior of a new mother deer?
A. Doe-ting
How do you get yarn out of a snake?
Wait until it sheds its skein.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What planet does a seal live on?
EARFFF EARFFF EARFFFF.
Something’s goat to give.
Crows go to get their shopping at Cawst Co.
What do you call a goat on a mountain?
Hillbilly.
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What is a naughty beavers' favorite type of wood ever? Knotty pine.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you get when you combine a kangaroo with a donkey?
A Kick-Ass
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
I told my parents I wanted to raise goats for a living, but I was only kidding.
Why did the kangaroo hesitate?
He didn’t want to jump to a conclusion.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Why did the man wear a rabbit as a hat? He didn’t want anyone to harm a Hare on his head!
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
Why was the big white tiger angry with his other Siberian tiger friend? Because he bleached him while grooming.
We were all sturtled by the incoming news.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
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