What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
Why are cats such great singers? Because they’re very mewsical
What do you give a deer with an upset stomach?
Elka Seltzer.
Q. How many gorillas does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A. Two, but it has to be a really BIG light bulb.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
Crows prefer carrion, so their bags are never checked at the airport.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
There once was a koala who could run at a speed of more than 800 miles per hour. He was the first koala to break the sound bearier.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
Flight allows flamingos to stay safe from predators. This is natural selection in action, and explains why flaminstays are extinct.
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What type of ice cream do fish like to eat?
Shark-o-late!
What’s the spiciest way to clean a horse?
With a curry comb.
Where does a turtle go when it's raining?
A shell-ter.
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
I’ll have a crocodile sandwich please, and make it snappy!
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite movie?
A. Planet of the Apes.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face? A mouse-tache!
Why do people like working at the Red Lobster?
It helps them get out of their shell.
What’s the difference between hot potato and a flying pig? One’s a heated yam, and the other is a yeeted ham.
What's worse than lobsters on your piano?
Crabs on your organ!
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
Do you know what kind of stock to use when making neotropical near-passerine bird soup?
Doesnt matter, as long as you put Toucans in.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
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