What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
What did the deer order to drink at the bar?
Ice cold deer.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
He wanted to get to the other slide.
What do you call a parrot that flew away?
A polygon.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What kind of dinosaur works for the police? A trisara-cop.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
Polyurethane?
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
What happened to the shark who swallowed a bunch of keys?
It got lockjaw.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
How did the dinosaur feel after he ate a pillow? Down in the mouth.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
I just got an adorable baby goat, but it can’t bend its legs.
The vet said it’s a cute kid knee disorder.
What has four legs and goes Oom, Oom?
A cow walking backwards.
Who did the goats vote for as president?
Billy Clinton.
What game do little bats like to play?
Batty fight.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
Why couldn’t the dog say, “Ahhh”?
Because the cat got his tongue.
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo?
A hippo is really heavy, but a Zippo is a little lighter.
What did the grape say when the Koala stood on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
What is a rabbit’s favorite dance? The bunny hop.
What do you get when you mix a sheep and a kangaroo
A wooly jumper
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
Why don’t tigers like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
I saw a lady riding a camel and being pulled by a truck... It was a camel tow
Why are goats from France musical?
Because they have French horns.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you call an elephant that’s never clean?
A smelly-phant.
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
Where do you send turtles who commit crimes?
To the shell-block.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
What do you get if you cross a bag of snakes and a cupboard of food?
Snakes and Larders.
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