What is a snake’s favorite subject in school?
Hisstory.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do you call a gorilla in a cement-mixer?
King Koncrete.
It’s really annoying being stuck behind a flamingo in a car. They literally never put their foot down.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road?
Poultry in motion.
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What is a cat’s favorite TV show? The evening mews.
What do you call an owl with a deep voice?
A growl.
What do you call an elephant with an aerial on his head?
An elephant-enna.
What do you call it when a sloth eats a second plate of food?
Slothy seconds
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
Where do bats like to relax?
In the bat-tub.
I had a job circumcising elephants.
The base salary wasn't great, but the tips were huge.
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What side does the zebra have the most stripes on?
The outside.
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
Why did the mouse eat a candle? For some light refreshment!
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you call a woman with a frog on her head?
Lily.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
What do you call a deer that can write with both hands?
Bambi-dextrous.
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
A giant fly has attacked the local police...
Police have called SWAT team.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
What do you call a snake with no clothes on?
Snaked.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
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