How do crabs evade taxes?
They set up shell corporations.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call an alligator that sneaks up and bites you from behind?
A tail-gater.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why did the blind seal get eaten by the orca?
Because he couldn’t see that whale.
How do sick kangaroos get better?
They have a hoperation.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Why did the magician have to cancel his show? Because he just washed his hare and couldn’t do a thing with it.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
...so I bought a seal iron
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What did the Tyrannosaurus rex get after mopping the floor? Dino-sore!
What’s the difference between a crow and a chicken?
A chicken can crow, but a crow can’t chicken.
Tigers are like army soldiers. They both grow up to earn some stripes.
Where is the best place to get camel milk?
Straight from the Dromedairy.
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
I warned farmer Brown not to pamper that cow too much because it would wind up giving spoiled milk.
Why did the chick disappoint his mother?
He wasn’t what he was cracked up to be.
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
What do you call two crows flying together?
An attempted murder
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
What side of a tiger has the most stripes? The outside.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
The tiger ran away from other tigers as they were rude to him. He didn't want to be involved in a catfight.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What’s an elephant’s secret talent?
They’re great at multi-tusking.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
How did the beaver introduce his wife? This is my significant otter.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
What do you call an irate kangaroo?
A k-angry-oo.
What do you call a dream when a vampire bat is chasing you?
A bat-mare.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
Why don't squirrels have any friends?
Because they drive everyone nuts.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
How do you know if it's too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
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