What do you call a rubber bumper on a yacht?
A shark absorber.
What do you get when you pick a pig’s nose?
Ham boogers.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
What's green and purple and goes up and down? Barney in an elevator.
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
What's the difference between and Buffalo and a Bison?
You can't wash your face in a Buffalo.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
What's the difference between a cat and a frog?
A cat has nine lives but a frog croaks every night.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What says “Quick, Quick”?
A duck with the hiccups
Black Beauty - Now there's a dark horse.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
When is a car like a frog?
When it's being toad.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
A fly feels a bug on it's back. "Hey bug on my back, are you a mite?"
"I mite be !!" giggles the mite.
"That's the worst pun I've ever heard" groans the fly.
"What do you expect?" says the mite. "I came up with it on the fly. "
What did a duck say to the comedian?
You quack me up.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
It's nearly 6 years since US Navy SEALs took out Osama Bin Laden in Pakistan.
Talk Abbottabad place to hide.
How did the horse get up the stairs?
He mounted them.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What do you call people who are obsessed with crocodiles?
Crocophiles.
It’s really easy to send a nice card to a flamingo. You just write “Hope you have a flamingood…”
What happened when the bear applied at the movie theater?
He was told he was not koala-fied.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
Flamingos are pretty good at ideas… They have a lot of experience with formation.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
Why did the bear quit his second job?
Because he needed some koalaty time with his family.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do penguins drink during the summer?
Iced tea.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
Why would a horse make a good president?
They know how to lead.
Where are sharks from?
Finland!
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
Why was the pony so excited to be invited to a rally with the president?
It was a huge end-horse-ment.
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table?
She was hogging all the food!
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