What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
Kangaroos can grow up to six feet.
Most only grow two.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
I’ve just read that according to statistics, donkeys kill more people every year than sharks.
I better watch my ass.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
What does a giant Tyrannosaurus eat? Anything she wants!
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
What do you give a sick snake?
Asp-rin.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why did the penguin cross the road twice?
To prove he wasn’t chicken.
What does the queen bee of every hive tell their workers to do?
She tells them to bee productive.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What is an owl who has been caught called?
A spotted owl.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Who is a snake’s favorite author?
William Snakespeare.
What was the snail doing on the highway? About one mile a day!
If you were in the jungle and a gorilla charged you, what should you do?
Pay him.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
What do ponies look for in a vehicle?
Lots of horsepower.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
Why do beavers make the best neighbors?
Because they mind their own dam business.
Where was the dinosaur when the sun went down ? In the dark!
Wondering what crows prefer with soup, crows like crowtons in their soup.
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
What do you get if you cross a talking parrot with a gorilla?
I am not sure but if he says something you better damn well listen.
Why did the gorilla cross the road? He had to take care of some monkey business.
Who has better beer: Rabbits or Kangaroos?
Kanagaroos. While they both do great with the hops, Kangaroos just have a little more kick!
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
Is chicken soup good for your health?
Not if you’re the chicken.
Why should you never rob a bank with a pig?
They always squeal.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What did the Easter bunny say to the carrot?It’s been nice gnawing you.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What’s a dolphin’s favorite constellation?
The Big Dipper!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
How can a camel walk the desert without getting hungry? Because of all the sandwhiches there.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
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