What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
How do you make a rabbit float? Put soda, syrup, and milk into a glass. Add one rabbit.
Why was the snake mad at the jewel thief?
Because he wanted his diamondback.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What's a frog's favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What did the drug diller say to the duck?
Are you on quack?
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
How do you know you’ve been visited by a possessed rabbit? He leaves deviled eggs.
What did the little piglet want from the swine?
A piggyback ride home.
What kind of music do frogs listen to?
Hip hop.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
Why did the mother cow give the sleepy baby cow a hammer?
He wanted her to hit the hay.
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you call a group of whale musicians?
An orca-stra.
Why was the crow so angry after his stand up comedy gig? The venue paid him in coffee instead of caw fee.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What kind of gang violence is common among owls?
A drive by hooting.
What was the most flexible dinosaur? Tyrannosaurus Flex.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why did the scientist use a drink container to communicate with dolphins?
Because a bottle knows dolphin.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What's the best way to stuff a turkey? Serve him lots of pizza and ice cream!
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Have you seen the gators on skateboards, they are great alli-skaters.
A magician once said he could make a tiger disappear but only transformed it into a tabby cat...
It was a sleight exaggeration.
What does a panda use to cook his pancakes?
A pan duhhhh!
What is the best thing to do if you notice a gorilla is sitting at your desk?
Find another place to sit.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What is in the middle of dinosaurs ? The letter "s"!
Does Mr. Otterton listen to Gazelle? Yes he's a rabid fan.
What do you call a goat that lip-syncs?
Billy Vanilli.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
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