What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
What do rodents say when they play bingo?
‘Eyes down for a full mouse’!
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do you call a dinosaur with one eye? Doyouthinkhesawus
Someone told me that it takes 5 sheep to make a sweater.
I didn't know they could knit!
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
What do you call a dinosaur that eats it's vegetables? A.brocileasoarus
When you go to the wolf hotel just around the corner, you will meet this huge, moustached wolf who always says, “howl may I help you?” as if he has no other words to us!
What's black and white and eats like a horse?
A zebra.
I finally found out why flamingos sleep with one leg up! If they had both legs up they would fall over.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
Riding a camel really isn't as hard as they say it is.
Once you get over the first hump, the rest is easy.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What do you call a snake that builds things?
A boa constructor.
We have always been in turtle awe of her artistic skills.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Each year, lots of wolves go treating in howl-o-ween.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
A well-loved parrot died, and was digitally immortalized in a 3D rendering.
Polygon but not forgotten.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
What do you call a flying elephant?
A jumbo jet.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
I had to carry a group of crows once.
It was murder on my back!
Why was the cow so scared?
Because he was a cow-ard.
What do you call a royal goat wearing denim?
Billy Jean King.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What is the definition of a slug? A snail with a housing problem!
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
Did you hear about the gorilla that was from Vietnam?
He was a viet kong.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
What did Detective Duck say to his partner?
“Let’s quack this case.”
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
How do you write a book about Bats? With a ghostwriter.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Where do Egyptians seal away their drugs?
In a narcophagus.
Why are crows so interesting?
Just beCAWse
Which bird is the most contented? The crow, because he never complains without caws.
What was the scariest prehistoric animal? The Terror-dactyl!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
What happened to the Easter bunny at school? He was eggspelled.
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