What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Why did the squirrel take apart the classic car?
To get down to the nuts and bolts.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What is the deer’s favorite food group?
“Deer-y products!”
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
What do you call a 100 year old ant?
An ant-ique.
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
Why do squirrels swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Why does the paparazzi beaver have a camera pointing towards the river? To keep up with current events and give main-stream updates.
Crows, they just love sports, crow-quet to be precise.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What did the mama turkey say to her naughty son? If your papa could see you now, he'd turn over in his gravy!
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
What did Dracula say when he saw a giraffe for the first time?
I’d like to get to gnaw you.
Which birds go to church a lot?
Birds of pray.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
It’s the fawn of a new day! - said the deer happily after waking up.
I thought Lord Of The Flies was about entomology.
It really bugs me that it isn't.
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
Some people like to play croc-quet.
What eats laptops? Computer worms.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
The crow decided to dress up as Corvid-19 virus for the Halloween costume party.
Q. What do you get if you cross a deer with an Aussie Joey?
A. A buck-er-roo.
How did the koala bear get the high-paying job? He met all of the koalafications.
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
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