Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Q. What haapens if a gorilla sits on your piano?
A. You get a flat note.
What do you call a sloth that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
What do you call it when worms take over the world? Global Worming.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
What do cows do when they’re introduced?
They give each other a milk shake.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
What do sharks order at McDonalds?
A quarter flounder.
How do you keep a goat from charging?
You take his credit card away!
What do polite whales always say?
You’re whale-come.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk? Dirty looks from the mouse!
What is a flamingo's favorite ride at a theme park? The flamingo-karts.
Whatever floats your goat.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? Boy! I'm stuffed!
The cawllarborne of the skinny crow was so pronounced.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
If flamingos can’t fly, how on earth do they get about? They use flamingo karts, of course.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
What does a penguin where to the beach?
An ice cap.
What does the father deer say to the mother deer to show his love?
“I love you deerly!”
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
Why do flamingos fly south in winter? Because it would be too far to walk.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
Q. Which book makes virgin gorillas blush?
A. The Naked Ape.
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
What did the gorilla say after spending one month at te gym?
Geez, gain a little muscle mass, and everybody acuses you of steroids. As if eating too many bananas wasn't dopey enough!
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What do stylish kangaroos wear?
Jumpsuits.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Why should you never do math with a tiger?
If you add 4+4 you're gonna get ate.
What is a bunch of crows gathering money called? Crow funding.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What do we call a deer that wears a mask and refuses to tell its name?
“Anony – moose.”
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
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