What does a frog order in Mcdonald's?
French flies and a diet croak.
My wife: Oh look, here's instructions on building a carpenter bee trap.
Me: Shouldn't they be able to do that themselves?
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What kind of key has no lock?
A turkey.
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
What do you call a giraffe winning a horse race?
A long shot.
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
All seals live at the same elevation
Seal level.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
Evolution is so strange. Dolphins started off as sea creatures, then evolved to have legs, only to eventually return to the sea and lose them.
Kinda defeets the porpoise, don't you think?
What do alligators call human children?
Appetizers.
Something’s goat to give.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
Flamingos do annoy each other sometimes. Apparently this is because they enjoy ruffling feathers.
What do bats say to those they dislike? Good riddance to bat rubbish!
How do you catch a rich squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a cashew.
What do you call luggage made of snakeskin?
Ex-hiss baggage.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
Why don’t chickens wear pants?
Their peckers are on their face.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
How did Gertie Gorilla win the beauty contest? She was the beast of the show!
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What is a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring!
The builder beaver decided to launch a new liquid dam-building product, but the market was too saturated.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
Q: What does a tiger call an antelope?
A: Fast food.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Did you hear about the sheep's jousting tournament?
It was a real baa-lancing act.
What kind of bugs live in clocks? Ticks!
What has 6 legs, red hair, and flies?
No, seriously. This thing is scaring the heck out me.
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What is a medieval owl called?
A knight owl.
An elephant's opinion carries a lot of weight.
What did Homer Simpson say when he saw a female deer?
“Doe!”
What do you call it when a dinosaur gets in a car accident? Tyrannasaurus wreck!
What is a cat’s favorite deal? Buy one, get one furry.
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