Why couldn't the squirrel eat the macadamia nut?
It was one tough nut to crack.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
What did the bat do when she did not know the answer in class?
She winged it.
Have you seen my lobster?
I'm worried he might by a lost claws.
What do you call a happy penguin?
A penGRIN.
What do you call a werewolf who doesn't know he's a werewolf ?
Unawarewolf.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
When the pig had a quarrel with his wife, he ended up having a gilt trip.
Why are worms so easy to get along with?
Because they are always down to Earth.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
Why did the advertising tycoons hire a bunch of apes?
They were running a gorilla marketing campaign.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
How fast can a cave become vacant? At the drop of a bat.
I went into a pet shop and said: "I would like a pet parrot for my daughter."
Confused, the owner replied: "Sorry, we don't do swaps."
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
Why did the elephant start the stampede?
Because it wanted to be herd.
When the wolf stood on the grape, the latter said nothing but let out a little bit of a wine.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Water.
Water who?
Water your plans for the weekend, Mr Beaver?
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What do you call a baby monkey?
A chimp off the old block.
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
A weeping camel is known as a humpback wail.
Why do owls always by mystery novels?
They love hoo-dunits.
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
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