Did you hear about the birds of prey on black Friday?
It was a free for owl.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Why don’t dolphins have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What kind of fish do you catch with Gummy Worms?
Swedish Fish.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite game?
Jump rope.
What’s the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A tiger always tells the truth, the other one is always lie-on.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
What is a snake’s favorite dance?
The Mamba.
What kind of tree does a chicken come from?
A poul-tree.
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
What type of tool does a prehistoric reptile carpenter use? A dino-saw. Who makes the best prehistoric reptile clothes ? A dino-sewer.
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
How do you upset a dinosaur? Touchasaurus Spot.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
Did you guys know that dolphins attack seals for sport?
It's almost like they do it on porpoise.
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
Why should you never ever play texas hold'em with a crocodile?
You will literally lose every hand.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak?
Mouse code!
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
Have you ever wondered which part of the flamingo has the most feathers? I found out once – turns out it’s the outside.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
Where did the bull carry his stock-market report?
In his beef case
What do you call an electrically charged seal?
A seal ion.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
My son wanted a pet spider but they're to expensive.
I told him I'll get him one off the web.
Did you hear about the panda that had a slight stutter?
Seems it’s a story that bears repeating.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What's gray and furry on the inside and white on the outside? A mouse sandwich!
Which birds are good at holding things together?
Velcrows.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
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