What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
What do vampire bats call their friends?
Blood brothers.
What do you call a happy rabbit? An Hop-timist.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road ? The chicken hadn't evolved yet!
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
The turtle had to cross the road in order to get to the Shell station.
I had a shell of a time when I attended the costume party as a turtle.
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
My favorite music is by Spandau Croc-quet.
When is a turkey scary?
When it's a goblin.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
Did you hear about the bird that couldn’t pass environmental legislation?
He was a lame duck.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
What has a spiked tail, plates on its back, and sixteen wheels? A Stegosaurus on roller skates!
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
What did the deer tell his buddy before he took a test?
“Good buck!”
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What do you call a snake that is trying to become a bird?
A feather boa.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
What do you get if you put an alligator in a blender?
Gatorade.
What is a dolphin’s favorite TV show? Whale of fortune.
What do you get if you try to cross a mouse with a skunk?
Dirty looks from the mouse!
My pink bird friend got dumped a while ago. He was sad for a while, but now he’s singe and ready to flamingle.
Did you hear about the cat who drank 5 bowls of water?
They set a new lap record.
Q. Why did the gorilla cross the road?
A. To get to the monkey biz on the other side.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
Hunting elephants is illegal as ivory well know.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
All prominent werewolf movies are produced in howl-lywood.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Where do pigs keep their money? Why in the piggy bank, of course.
I heard someone broke out of prison using a sheep
I didn’t believe it until I saw the news and he was on the lamb.
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a crocodile.
A funeral.
What do you get when you cross a giraffe and a pig?
Bacon and legs.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
Who were the original transformers? Vampire bats!
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
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