Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
A beaver goes into a bar and sees a man standing behind the bar and asks him...
"Excuse me sir. Is the bar tender here?"
What do you call an ant who skips school?
A truant.
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”
Harambe wasn’t only one of the best gorillas I’ve ever met...
He was also a great ape.
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
What do you call an evil cow?
De-mooooon.
It may seem a bit corny but we appreciate you working your tail off for us.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
When does a turkey go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
What do you have to know to teach a bat tricks?
More than a bat.
What is the coldest type of horse?
A freezian.
Beat funny horse puns
What’s a horse’s favorite makeup brand?
Neighhhbelline.
My wife and I have been having trouble communicating. We decided to take a walk when we passed a farm. She said "awww, babe look at the sheep."
"No, ewe." I said.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What do you get if you cross a worm and a young goat?
A dirty kid!
What do you get when you cross a cow with a wolf?
An animal that mooed at the full moon.
Thinking about selling my crab so i could make money. Then I realised "am I really this shellfish"?
What do you call a thirsty bee?
Beehydrated
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What vehicle does T-Rex use to go from planet to planet? A Dinosaucer
What did Cinderella Dolphin lose?
Her glass flipper!
Police are investigating a string of homicides which have occurred over the last two weeks. The victims have identified as Cap'n Crunch, Toucan Sam, Tony the Tiger, and the latest victim, Lucky the Leprechaun.
They are looking for a cereal killer.
Why wasn't the hunter allowed to bring his antelope and buffalo with him on the plane?
You're only allowed one carrion.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
Q. How do the doe and stag open the entry to their vacation cabin in the woods?
A. They just turn the deer knob.
How does an antisocial crow say about a family party? "It was murder".
Where did the deer go to fix its tail?
The re-tail shop.
Where does a camel go after he's eaten his main course? He walks straight to the desert trolley.
Why do you never see koalas wearing shoes? Because they love going bearfoot.
What happened to the baby chicken that misbehaved at school?
It was egg-spelled.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, and 12 claws on each foot? Sir.
What do you call a dinosaur as tall as a house, with long sharp teeth, 12 claws on each foot and a personal stereo over his ears? Anything you like, he won't hear you!
A spider crawled under my keyboard a few minutes ago.
Good news: I’ve got it under Ctrl.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
A kid at the spelling bee was asked to spell "inward"
A teacher tackled him after the first G
What did the llama say when the other llama asked if they wanted to go on holiday?
Alpaca suitcase.
What's a bee's favorite novel?
The Great Gats-Bee
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
A snapping turtle is a turtle that takes up pgotography.
If a lion is the king of the jungle...
Then shouldn’t they call it a reignforest?
Did you hear about the incident at the tiger exhibit?
It was a big cat-astrophe
Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, “Is the bar tender here?”
What praise did a bat’s friend deserve? A bat on the back.
What do you can an ant scientist?
Albert Antstein.
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
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