What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What do you call a man who is too big for an alligator to eat?
A jawbreaker.
How do the cool camels say hello?
"How you dune?"
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
Why did the manager hire the marsupial? Because he was koala-fied.
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
What’s a penguin’s favorite salad?
Iceberg lettuce!
What do you call a T-Rex that gets into a fight with the Indominus Rex? Dino-sore.
Which side of a duck has the most feathers?
The outside.
Did you hear about the aquarium owner?
His shark was worse than his pike.
What do you call a group of politically similar crows?
A cawcus
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Ears.
Ears who?
Ears one more beaver joke for you.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
Why don’t giraffes do drugs?
Because they’re naturally high.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
What do you say when you catch a bee?
Behold!
What’s happens to the sportiest horse?
It gets to be first horse-pick of the draft.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
What do you call a dinosaur that left its armor out in the rain ? A Stegosau-rust.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What does a well-educated owl say?
Whom.
A teacher asks the class to name six mammals that you might find in Africa. One of the pupils replies, “five zebras and a lion”.
Why did the bunny say to the duck? You quack me up!
What's a shark's favorite hobby?
Anything he can sink his teeth into.
What do you call a otter that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
Why did the penguin cross the road?
It was the chicken’s day off.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
What do you get if cross a science fiction film with a toad?
Star Warts.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
Why didn't the two worms get on Noah's Ark in an apple? Because everyone had to go on in pairs.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
What key has legs and can't open doors? A Turkey.
What does an alligator do when he loses his tail?
It goes to a re-tail store.
Q. Which US city holds the record for suicidal gorillas jumping off skyscrapers?
A. Fall-Adelphia.
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
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