What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What’s striped and bouncy?
A tiger on a pogo stick!
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
Being shellfless entails volunteering at the relief center during disaster.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
What does a goat call his girlfriend?
Bae.
What do you call an important English snake?
Sir Pent.
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Who did the horse ask to be his second wife?
A manewer model.
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
What kind of pole is short and floppy?
A tadpole.
Where do llamas go on vacation?
Alpacapuco.
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
Why couldn’t the equestrian find the carrots? They were down by the bay.
Why did they stop giving the horse grass?
They wanted it to be less green.
What type of bread do deers enjoy the most?
“Sour-doe!”
Knock knock!
Who is there?
Beaver
Beaver who?
Be-ware of the turbulent river.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What do you call a pig with no legs?
A groundhog.
Beaver jokes
Can be pretty dam funny.
The zookeeper told me I wasn’t allowed to buy the animals so I asked why the zebra had a barcode.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
Why wouldn’t anyone play with the little longhorn?
He was too much of a bully.
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite candy?
Lollihops.
What do you feed a 700 pound gorilla?
Just give him anything he wants and then run.
Today my son drew a picture of a kangaroo without a body.
I couldn't make heads or tails of it.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call it when evil worms take over the world?
Global Worming!
What do you call a bee that comes back from the dead?
Zombee
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What does Willow Smith say to her pets? I whip my hare back and forth.
I was she-shocked when my pet turtle died.
What's the difference between a lobster and a Chinese man who's been run over by a bus?
Ones a crustaecian and the other is a crushed Asian.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
What is a bat’s favorite dessert?
Pineapple upside-down cake.
What did the teenage crow want for his birthday? A brand new caw!
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
How can you hear the sounds of a group of dolphins?
Listen to their podcast.
Most camels prefer camelmile drinks because of the nutrition in there.
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