On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Did You Hear About The Duck With A Drug Problem?
He was a quackhead.
Why did the deer cross the road?
To prove he wasn’t a chicken.
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Did you hear about the cat who drank ten bowls of water? It set a new lap record
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do tigers sing at Christmas?
Jungle bells! Jungle bells!
How do deer clean their feet?
Hoof paste.
Why do mice have long tails?
Well, they’d look silly with long hair!
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
What do you call a kangaroo that asks for seconds on ramen?
A more-soupial
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What do you call a mouse with no balls? Optical. What is a mouse's favorite record? 'Please cheese me'!
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
Wife: would you get me those two cans from the top shelf?
Me: I don't see any toucans in here.
How do you save a drowning mouse ?
Use mouse to mouse resuscitation !
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Did you hear about the rich rabbit? He was a millionhare!
Why couldn’t the baby horse eat dessert?
It was foal.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do chickens serve at birthday parties?
Coop-cakes.
If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
What do you call a clever ant?
Brilli-ant.
How do you tell the difference between a rabbit and a gorilla?
A rabbit looks nothing like a gorilla
How do you know if there is a Brachiosaurus in bed with you? By the dinosnores.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
I don't agree with battery hens.
Surely they'd lay bigger eggs if they were plugged into the mains.
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
Why are elephants scared of computers?
Because of the mouse.
Alligators ask lots of questions, they'd make great interri-gators.
What is a dog’s favorite movie about dinosaurs?
Jurassic Bark.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
What do you call an ant who won’t go away?
Perman-ant.
What is the definition of “moon”?
The past tense of “moo”.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
What do you call a Tyrannosaurus under stress?
A nervous rex.
What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
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