My lobster's name is:
Claude
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What do you call a bee that lives in a mud hive?
An adobee!
What did the confused cat say? I’m purr-plexed!
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Why do giraffes have long necks?
Because their feet smell.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
"How much did you have to drink?"
"About a birds worth."
"What?"
"You know, toucans."
What did the pitcher tell the bat? Batter-up.
What animals were last to leave the ark?
The elephants as they had to pack their trunks.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
If you have a parrot, it says a lot about you!
Sloths never kiss on the first date, they take it slow.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
Angry cows are usually responsible for giving the farmer sour milk.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Why did the owl join Tinder?
He didn’t want to be owl by himself.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?
They were prime mates.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
Where do most horses work for their first job?
Re-tail stores.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Why did the T-Rex get a ticket? He ran through the stomp sign.
Why is the barn so noisy?
Because the cows have horns.
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What happened when the tiger ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Turtles that commit crime are sent to the shell-block.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur A lickalotopis
Where does a penguin go when it loses its tail?
A re-tail store.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
What do you call a Koala that can pick up an elephant ? Sir!
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
Picking your favorite snack can be like picking the slowest turtle in the pack.
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
Why are crows the safest flying birds?
They're the most CAWtious.
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