Q: Why did the tiger eat the lamp?
A: He wanted a light lunch.
What does a dinosaur call a porcupine? A toothbrush.
What did the guard say to stop the horse from escaping?
Halt-her!
What kind of bird always gets stuck in the nest? A velcrow.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What problem did the young bat experience?
The hangout.
What does a vampire bat call a bloodmobile?
Meals on Wheels.
How does a horse drink wine?
With a de-canter.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
I went drinking with a bunch of kangaroos last night and they didn't buy me one drink all evening..
Talk about short arms long pockets...
Did you hear about the kid that ate a whole pack of candy worms?
It’s a sour tale!
When milking a nervous goat, you should use kid gloves.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
There was a weird Crab
Whenever he used to walk, his claws used to make a ta-ta-ta-ta sound.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Where do crows go to get educated?
CAWlege
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
How about the stylish female crocodile, she's every inch a frock-o-dile.
Where do cats go when they die? Purr-gatory.
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What Christmas carol do they sing in the desert? O' Camel ye faithful.
Where do penguins go to dance?
The snow ball.
What do you call an turkey with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
How do you catch a Polynesian squirrel?
Climb a tree and act like a coconut.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
What do you call a lazy goat?
Billy Idle.
What did the librarian say to the beaver who wanted to read a help book? You can try by-rowing it.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
In order to get an accurate count of the herd, the farmer uses a cow-culator.
Q. Where do Midwest does prefer to give birth?
A. Deerborn, Michigan.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
Q: How do you stop an angry tiger from charging?
A: Take away his credit cards.
What happened when the two giraffes had a race?
It was neck and neck.
Where do Santa Claus and his deers stop to have a coffee at Christmas?
“Star – Bucks!”
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