I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
How do pink birds make friends? They fla-mingle.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
What did they Turkey say to the blade of grass? Nice knawing you!
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
Where is a frog's favorite place to eat?
At IHOP.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft
A Duct-ape.
What do you call 144 kangaroos in a box?
Gross.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do birds like to put in their soup? Crow-tons.
Where do wasps go on holiday?
Stingapore.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Where do kangaroos like to eat?
At IHOP.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
What is the head of an Italian dinosaur family called? Ptera Don
Why are parrots so good at improvisation? Because they know how to wing it!
What did the bacteria say to the bee to cheer it up?
Gram positive
What kind of sharks make good carpenters?
Hammerheads.
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What do you call a Pig with three eyes?
Piiig.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What does a twelve-pound mouse say to a cat?
‘Here Kitty, kitty, kitty’!
What do you get when you cross a parrot and a shark?
A bird that talks your ears off.
How does a Pegasus ask her boyfriend to propose?
She says “You’ve got to put a wing on it.”
What type of snake does a baby play with?
A rattlesnake.
Escaped snakes make some people hiss-terical.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
Why don't crabs donate to charity?
They're shellfish penny pinchers.
Q. What did the witch get when she crossed a doe with a tornado?
A. A whirling deer-vish.
What is a mosquitos worst fear?
The S.W.A.T Team.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call two worms in love?
Soilmates.
Where do most koala movie stars live? In Koalawood, Koalafornia, of course!
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Why did the T-Rex eat hamburgers? Because he is a meat eater!
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
Why won’t crocodiles attack lawyers?
Professional courtesy!
What is a penguin racing driver’s favourite part of the car?
The Eggs-celerator.
What’s the difference between a worm and pumpkin?
Have you ever tried worm pie?
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What did the eye witness say about the camel who was using the bushes as a lavatory?
I saw the hump take a dump in a clump
What do Penguins sing on a birthday?
Freeze a jolly good fellow.
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