What do you get when you cross an owl with an oyster?
Pearls of wisdom.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
My wife and I went to a turtle pun class yesterday.
It tortoise nothing.
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What did the fawn who wanted to be a child forever say?
“I don’t want to doe up!”
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
Why do pandas love watching classic movies?
Because they are in black and white.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Why did the ram run over the cliff edge?
Because he didn’t see the ewe turn.
What does a ghost panda eat?
BamBOO!
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What does a deer do when it gets to its friend’s house?
Rings the deer bell.
What do bees call wasps?
Wanna-bees.
How do penguins drink?
Out of beak-ers.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
What do you call for injured ants?
The ant-bulance.
Who’s a llama’s favorite U.S. president?
Barack Ollama.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
Turtles keep on winning battles because they are perfect at shelling their enemies.
If a young goat learns a martial art, are they a karate kid?
Why are ducks bad drivers?
Their windshields are qwacked.
What do you call an ant that doesn’t sink?
Bouy-ant.
What do you get when you put four ducks in a box?
A box of quackers.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
The zookeeper was struggling to explain why two tropical birds were stuck together.
It was toucan fusing.
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
What do you call a lazy baby kangaroo?
A pouch potato.
What's an owl's favorite subject at school?
Owl-gebra.
What do you get if you cross a gold dog with a telephone?
A golden receiver.
What’s an elephant’s favorite sport?
Squash.
Why was the penguin a good race car driver?
He always started in pole position.
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
Flamingos are great at social events; they flamingle really well.
Why couldn’t the little girl ride the horse?
It was feeling bucky.
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
Why do Penguins carry fish in their beaks?
Because they haven’t got any pockets.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why do owl babies take after their dad?
Like feather, like son.
Crows organized a cawnfrences, to discuss the upcoming project.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
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