What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
How do venomous snakes kill their prey?
In cold blood.
The farmer called his prize cow a bull-dozer because she was always sound asleep in the fields.
What do you call a dinosaurs fart? "A blast from the past"
Why do fish like worms?
Fish like worms because they’re hooked on them.
What's a horse's favorite sport?
Stable tennis.
What do you call a group of chickens clucking in unison?
A Hensemble.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What steps do you take when you see a tiger running towards you? Big ones!
What do you call a goat who paints pictures?
Vincent Van Goat.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
How can you tell which rabbits are getting old? Look for the grey hares.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
Zebras aren’t fans of colouring books. They don’t like having to stay between the lions.
What is a deer’s favorite after-school snack?
“Doe-nuts.”
What was the worm doing in the cornfield?
He was going in one ear and out the other!
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
Q. What's on display at the Canadian Moose Museum?
A. Mod deer 'n art.
A crocodile tried to copy a rooster to wake his friends one morning, he went croc-a-doodle do.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
What do dehydrated alligators drink?
Gatorade.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
What did the judge say when a skunk walked into the courtroom?
"Odor in the court!"
What do you get if you cross a giraffe and a hedgehog?
An extra long toilet brush.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
A crow invited his buddies over to hang out but they didn’t show up.
He was charged with attempted murder.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
After graduating from high school, crows go to caw-lleges for further studies.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
What’s the difference between an alligator and a crocodile?
Alligators will see you later, crocodiles in a while.
Who is a Penguin’s favorite pop star?
Seal.
What was the turkey suspected of? Fowl play.
Hermit crabs’ house phones were always shell phones
My two pet crabs have very different personalities. One is always in a good mood, but the other can be a bit of a grump.
Their names are crabA and crabB
Why was the crow upset about his job? The HR fired the crow with no caws.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What type of car would a regular horse buy?
A Fjord Focus.
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite season?
Spring.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What did the llama get when he graduated school?
A dipllama.
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