Why don't gorillas vote?
They're ape-political.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Let's play some scrabble, I just need to get the croc-a-tiles.
What do Chinese bears eat for breakfast?
Panda-cakes!
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What do Penguins like to eat?
Brrrrrrrritos.
I went to a mosquito themed restaurant.
It wasn't very good, though. After a few bites I got up and left.
Did you hear about the psychic hermit crab?
Makes shell-fulfilling prophecies.
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
What do you call a Spanish goat with no hind legs?
Gracias.
You were mauled by a gang of squirrels. You want to sue them but no lawyer wants to take your case. Why?
They think you are nuts.
To resolve the internal issues at the office, crows involved their cawnflict mediators.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
If you see a deer without antlers acting crazy, don’t eat it without cooking it first.
Everyone knows you can’t eat raw kooky doe.
If you ever need directions, call for a navi-gator.
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
What does the like to parrot wear to the beach? A beak-ini!
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth?
Hard cheese!
No, I'm not concerned about crows infesting my house...
It's actually just a mynah problem.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
How does a snake shoot something?
With a boa and arrow.
My brother was trampled to death by a flock of sheep.
May he rest in fleece.
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
What is a koala’s favorite soft drink? Koka-Koala, of course!
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What do you call a cat that lives in an igloo? An eskimew!
Q. What kind of underwear do s*xy gorillas wear?
A. Chim-pant-zies.
Why are alligator comedians so funny?
Their wit is as razor sharp as their teeth!
What did the squirrel say to its baby before it had to leave?
I'm gonna go out on a limb here.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What’s gray, squeaky and hangs around in caves?
Stalagmice!
What do you get when your cross a bear and a tiger?
A bear and a tiger seeking revenge.
The worst part about being a giraffe…
Is having a lot of time to think about your mistakes when you’re sinking into quicksand.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
What does a deer say when it prays to the god?
“Deer God!”
Have you heard about that socially awkward chef that only cooks with snake meat?
I’m pretty sure he has Asp burgers.
Q. Why couldn't the gorilla run in the marathon?
A. Because he's not part of the human race!
Tigers are bad at basketball because they have only four feet.
Where do parrots invest their money?
In the stork market
Which side of a koala bear has the most fur? The outside!
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Why was the deer a good driver? He was great at using the deering wheel!
Why are dinosaurs no longer around? Because their eggs stink.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What do you call an angry kangaroo?
Hopping mad.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
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