I told my wife that I saw a sheep pondering its place in the world.
She asked me, “Can ewe even imagine?”
Calling my new dog “Shark” was a mistake.
I’ve been banned from all my local beaches.
What is a dinosaurs least favorite reindeer? Comet.
Some see a puddle of mosquito larva.
I see a pool of enbitenment.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
What happens when a cow stops shaving?
It grows a Moostache.
How do camels blend in?
With camel-flage
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
Why was the Pirate sad when his parrot left him?.
It gave him the cold shoulder.
What do racehorses eat?
Fast food.
What do you call a three-eyed tiger?
A tiiiger.
Did you know alligators can grow up to 18 feet?
But most of them only have four!
Why do psychiatrists study bats?
They want to learn about their hang-ups.
When you cross a camel with a cow, you will end up with a lumpy milkshake.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Why did the cat keep meow-ing? It didn’t want to be fur-gotten.
Why did the parrot cross the road? Just beak-ause!
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
All the girls I meet keep thinking I’m a sheep.
Every time they see me they say “Ewe”
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
What do you call an ant who joins the army?
Milit-ant.
How does a lobster answer the phone?
"Shello?"
What do koalas do when they see social injustice happening in the world? They fight for ekoalaty!
A cowboy thought he had 100 cows but when he counted them there were only 97
So he rounded them up.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
The next door beaver couple got arrested for illegal streaming.
What do you call a large pile of cats? A meowntain!
What’s black and white and goes round and round?
A panda stuck in a revolving door.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark
Who dosent eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey because it is always stuffed.
What did the lollipop lady say to the zebra crossing?
'You're stripping me of a job.'
What do you get when you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
What do you call a goat swimming in the sea?
Billy Ocean.
Besides eucalyptus leaves, what is a koala bear’s favorite vegetable? Koalaflower.
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
Wolves love shopping and they can literally die for. However, none of them loves the flea market for obvious reasons!
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
How did the horse know the others were gossiping about him?
He herd.
What do you call an elephant with rotors?
A Nellie-copter.
What do you call a cold, angry pig? A ham-brr-grr.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
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