What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
An otter and an otter are in a car, who's driving? Animal Control
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
Whats green and can jump a mile a minute?
A frog with hiccups.
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
What kind of car does a sheep drive?
A LAMBorghini
Why are beavers only found in freshwaters? Because they don't like stale water.
How do horses greet each other?
“Hayyyyy.”
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
I use a crow to wake me up in the morning.
There’s caws for alarm.
Why is earth worm humor offensive?
They only know dirty jokes.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
What's white on the outside, green on the inside and comes with relish and onions?
A hot frog.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
What does a monkey wear while cooking?
An ape-ron.
I came across an injured flamingo the other day. I tried to help, but luckily it was already receiving medical tweetment.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
What does pooh eat at parties?
Blue bear-y pie.
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
Flamingos are great to go out with, because they all party like flock stars.
What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!
It’s raining cats and dogs today - I just hope it doesn’t rain deer!
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What's the difference between Cloepatra and King Arthur?
One had Camelot and one had a lot of camels.
Did you hear about the two silk worms in a race?
It ended in a tie.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
What do dinosaurs put on their pizza? Tomato-saurus
Where did the kittens go on a school field trip? To the mewseum
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
The Secret Service surround the President with twelve cows because they were attempting to beef up their security.
What do worms leave round their baths?
The scum of the earth!
What’s a shark favorite substance?
Reefer.
What style of classical music do sheep most enjoy?
Baa-roque
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
There was a recent study showing that crows were hit a lot more by trucks than cars...
they came to the conclusion that this was because crows can warn each other by going "CAAAR CAAAR" but can't say "TRUCK TRUCK".
A sheep, a drum, and a snake fall off a cliff.
Baa dum tssssss.
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
Where do rabbits work? At IHOP restaurants!
My wife has been giving me a hard time about my drinking. Eventually, I agreed to quit cold turkey.
Never cared for leftovers anyway.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
What kind of musical instrument do mice play?
A mouse organ!
Why is it hard to carry on a conversation with a goat?
Because they are always butting in.
What do you call a truck-load of tortoises crashing into a train-load of terrapins?
A turtle disaster.
Why did the deer go for a run?
To doe off some steam.
What sickness do cowboys get from riding wild horses?
Bronchitis.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
What's the most common form of owl-on-owl violence?
Drive by hooting.
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