What do you call a snake who works for the government?
A civil serpent.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
Why are frogs so good at basketball?
Because they always make jump shots.
Why did the viper, viper nose?
Because the adder, adder hankerchief.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Wolfs are named after lots of things around and about them. For instance, lumberjack wolfs are known as timber wolfs.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
When fishing, is there ever a good reason to take the worm off the hook?
I guess that’s debaitable.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Did you hear about the birds of prey who opened up a resort?
It was for owl seasons.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
What did the shark say to the whale?
What are you blubbering about?
Where do gorillas go to after work?
The monkey bars.
I'm going to combine my interests of taxidermy and bomb making
by making you an otter you can't defuse.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What sound does a space turkey make? Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!
I have the heart of a lion
And a lifetime ban from the San Diego Zoo.
What happened when the koala tripped and fell in a crowded restaurant? He got embearassed.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do you call twin baby kangaroos?
Roo-mMates!
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Q. Why do educated gorillas like the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, 11 and 13?
A. 'Cause they're prime apes.
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
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