Have you ever tried setting fire to a flamingo? It’s really easy, you just burn the O.
How do you know if a tiger is male or female?
Throw a rock at it. If he runs it's a male. If she runs it's a female.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
What’s a goat’s favorite musical?
Joseph and his Amazing Technicolor Dream Goat.
Did You Hear About The Duck Who Thought He Was a Squirrel?
It was one tough nut to quack.
What do you call a sloth that barely moves a muscle? A slow-off (show off).
What do you call a rabbit with fleas? Bugs bunny
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What did the happy cat say? Stay paw-sitive!
What is a cat’s favorite dessert? Chocolate mouse!
Whoever lives by the sword shell die by it.
Q. Which deer was a fascist dictator?
A. Moose Al Ini.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
Did you hear about the two bats meeting? It was love at first bite!
How much fur can you get from a dinosaur ? As fur as you can get!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Why do bees hum?
Because they don't know the words.
Who in the hell names their son “Tiger” ?
Only people in the Woods’
What family does Maiasaur belong to? I don't think any families in our neighborhood have one!
What do llamas always reply when you thank them?
No probllama.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
A beaver's tail makes them look odd.
But without it they would look otter.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What does a French beaver call his dam? Ma'dame.
What’s black and white with red spots?
A panda with the measles.
What's yellow and black and yellow and black and yellow and black?
A wasp rolling down a hill.
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
What do you call a noisy group of crows?
A caw-cophony!
What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Toad.
How do baby horses get tucked in at night?
They get told a tail.
What kind of luggage did the vulture bring on the flight?
Carrion.
The baby crow decided to dress up as his favorite vegetable on Halloween, he dressed up as a caw-liflower.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
My lobster's name is:
Claude
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
When do chickens go to bed?
Half past hen!
How do mice celebrate when they move home? With a mouse warming party!
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
Q. What do you call a gorilla who studies large primates and has great grades?
A. Ape lust student.
What do koalas use when they’re doing yard work? A wheelbearow.
How do you know when a crab's drunk?
When it starts walking straight
Whale, whale, whale …
If it isn’t a pod.
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