Why was the actress scared of the deer?
She had stag fright.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
A fight between tiger and lion broke out. Both of them wanted to become the next empe-roar of the jungle.
Why didn’t the horse buy a house?
The costs were mounting.
Where did the hamsters invade the beaver colony? Hamsterdam.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
What did the bat say when she was invited to dinner?
No, fangs. I just ate.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
What’s an alligator’s favorite dip?
Croc-amole.
What is a cat’s favorite class at school? Hiss-tory!
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
What did the tiger say to her cub on his birthday?
It’s roar birthday!
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
What did Spock say to his cat? Live long and paw-sper.
What did the mommy dolphin do when her son was an hour late for dinner?
She flipped out!
Where does a penguin keep its money?
In a snow bank.
Who was the most infamous terrorist in llama history?
Osama Bin Llama.
How do Penguins drink their cola?
On the rocks.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
Before training its killer dolphins, Iran had to convert them to fishlam.
What did one fish say to the other?
If you keep your mouth closed you will not get caught.
How does a chicken mail a letter to her friend?
In a HEN-velope!
What's a bats favorite desert? I-Scream!
Two crows land on a park bench.
They were arrested for conspiring to murder.
How do officials start the races at the pink bird olympics? They say three... two... one... flaminGO!
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honeycombs.
What happened if vampires came to a big dance?
A bat ball.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What do get if you cross a duck and Santa?
A Christmas Quacker.
What board game do deer families always play?
Buck-gammon.
Why didn’t the horse tell her friend she was a thief?
She didn’t want to saddle her with that information.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
Two snakes parted.
The first one said, “Fangs for the memories”.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
I killed a spider with soap
He got a clean death.
Where do you take a sick pony?
To the horse-pital.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
When he was chewing the skeleton, the wolf got to a point and laughed. I guess that was the funny bone.
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
What's an owl's favorite Beatles song?
Owl You Need Is Love.
What do snakes use to clean their car windows?
Windscreen vipers.
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