What is a deer’s favorite place to get breakfast?
Dunkin’ Doe-nuts!
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Any time I wear a t shirt with a picture of a crocodile on it, I feel a little sick.
I think I might be Lacoste intolerant.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
What did the duck do after he read all these jokes?
He quacked up.
Why don't crabs give birthday presents?
Because they're just shellfish.
Alligators can live up to 100 years…
Which is why there’s a chance that they will see you later.
What do you get if you cross a snake and a pig?
A boar constrictor.
Where do monkeys go when they lose their tails?
To a retailer.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
What bat was called an invader?
Bat-talina.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What do you call a cat that was caught by the police? The purr-petrator.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
What happened when they planted new bamboo trees at the zoo?
It was pandamonium out there!
Q. Which country was founded by wild gorillas?
A. The Banana Republic.
What is serial killer Buffalo Bill's favorite fast food restaurant?
Chick Fillet.
Ever wonder how gorillas can be so strong when they eat mostly a plant based diet?
Cuz they don't monkey around when it comes to strength training!
What do you get if you cross Bossy with a vampire?
Dracowla.
How does a penguin make pancakes?
With its flippers.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
My son asked me, "Daddy, why do bees stay in the hive in the winter?" I smiled and answered...
"Swarm."
I love eating glow worms
Especially as a light snack
I bought a pack of those animal shaped biscuits,
but had to take them back as the seal was broken.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
I invented a device that can stop a snake in its tracks.
It's made of asphalt.
What do you give a sick penguin?
Tweetment.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
Why didn’t the koala bear get the job? He was underkoalafied. How did he fix this? By going back to koalage.
Who is a crow’s favorite actor? Russell Crow!
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
What do you call a greedy ant?
An anteater.
Why do bee keepers have beautiful eyes?
Because they hold bees. (Beauty is in the eye of the bee holder)
What did the bunny say to its crush? Hey there hop stuff.
Where do you find giant snails? At the end of giants fingers!
What did one horse say to the other after he said he wanted to drop out?
That’s an equestionable decision.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do you call a turtle chef?
A slow cooker.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
Where does a bee use the bathroom?
BP
I just learned how to speak parrot.
I just learned how to speak parrot.
What is the difference between a dirty bus stop, and a crab with breast implants?
Ones a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean!
How does a mouse feel after it takes a shower?
Squeaky clean!
Where do apes like to cook their sausages?
On the gorilla.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
Where do crabs invest their money?
A sea bank.
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