My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
What do you call a squirrel with no nuts?
A female squirrel.
Why don’t Alpacas like singing with background music?
They prefer to sing alpacapella.
You are really talented. You should join a punk-croc band.
What is a flamingo's favorite thing to do at the weekend? Play fla-bingo.
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What sits in a tree and says "Hoots mon, hoots mon?"
A Scottish owl.
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Why did the bear quit his job at the daycare center?
It was panda-monium.
What kind of bee makes milk?
A Boobie!
How does a koala get from one place to another? On a gondkoala.
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
How do bats spend their time?
Flying and hanging out.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What do you call an alligator who kills bugs all day long?
A fumigator.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
Where does a lobster keep its clothes?
In the clawset!
What did the train conductor say to the kangaroo? Hop on!
Why do worms have trouble getting up in the morning? Because the early bird catches the worm.
I was milking a cow and a fly flew in its ear.
I thought, that’s weird, I just kept milking. A while later, the same fly showed up in the milk bucket. I guess that’s what they say: in one ear, out the udder.
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
Why did the Buddhist gorilla get locked out of his monastery?
He forgot his monk-key
What should you name a crow with soft down feathers? Microwsoft.
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all.
What do you get when you pour hot water down a rabbit hole? A Hot Cross bunny.
What do you call a very smart bunny? An egghead.
What do you call a dead flamingo?
A flaminghost.
Crowing, crowing, gone.
What’s green and pecks on trees?
Woody the Wood Pickle.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
A werewolf that is confused on what to wear is not a dumb one, instead it is a what-to-wear-wolf.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do you call vampires bats that cheer at football games?
Bat-on-twirlers.
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
Whats the preferred car of frogs?
The Beetle.
Why are penguins good race drivers?
Because they’re always in the pole position.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
Why do cows think cooks are mean?
They whip cream.
Did you hear about the generous and kind deer? She had a hart of gold!
What do you get if you stand between two llamas?
Llamanated.
What do you call a sheep with no legs?
A cloud.
Q. Whay aren't gorillas afraid of zombies?
A. Because the ape-ocalypse doesn't frighten them.
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