What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
What did Mama pig ask her kids every day after school?
“Hoofeels hungry?”
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
There was so much crackling on the line, I thought a pig was disturbing the phone.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What do you call a pig with skin problems? A wart-hog.
What does a mommy pig say to her piglets at the end of the day? Time to pig up your toys.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
According to pig etiquette, piglets are meant to be porcine and not heard.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
What do you call a pig that drives around recklessly?
A road hog.
I saw a pig with laryngitis.
He was disgruntled.
Why did the piglet yell at his sibling at the dinner table? She was hogging the food.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
Pig always have ink all over their faces because they live in a pen.
In the 5th month of every year, my aunt lets her pigs in the field…
It’s mayham!
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you call a pig with a rash? Ham and eczema.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
Why was the pig crying? Because he was boar-ed to tears.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong? Mistaken bacon.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
When pigs live high on the hog, they run the risk of going into hock.
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
What did the pig do when it came to a pork in the road? It pigged the road less traveled.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him?
Filthy rich.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
What do you get if you cross a dinosaur with a pig?
Jurassic Pork.
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