Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”.
What happened to the pig who ate too fast? They got a ticket for running a Slop Sign.
How do you make a pig really happy on his birthday? Throw him a sow-prize party.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What do you call a glass of alcoholic pig’s blood? Swine.
What did one pig say to the other?
Let’s be pen pals.
How does a 20-something pig hit on someone?
They invite them over to Netflix and swill.
What did Papa Pig shout at his kids in the car?
“Stop swining! We’re nearly there.”
Did you hear the horse and the pig are dating?
They’re in a stable relationship.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
A local farmer has trained his pigs to perform ballet.
I’m going to see their production of swine lake.
What do pigs do on the evening of February 14th?
They have a valenswines dinner.
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Why did the pig break up with her boyfriend?
Because he was a boar.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What do you call a pig that does a lot of charity work?
Philanthropig
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
Why did the pig get fired? Insu-boar-dination.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
What do 99 percent of pigs ask for on their hamburgers? Piggles.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
Did you hear about the pig that ran the Post Office?
He was the first Porkmaster General.
Any advice on getting a pet pig? Just be sure you get the pig of the litter.
Q. What do swine use to chat up a date?
A. Pig-Up Lines!
I read a story about pig anatomy.
It was all straightforward until I found a twist in the tale.
What do you get when you cross a pig with a centipede?
Bacon and Legs.
How do pigs greet their family and friends?
With hogs and kisses.
Why did the pig go to the casino?
To play the slop machine!
What do pigs learn in the army? Ham to ham combat.
Why do piglets take home economics in school? To learn how to sow.
What did the pig say on the warm summer’s day?
“I’m bacon.”
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree on me.
It was a hambush.
What do you call a guinea pig that has become a member of the mafia?
A hamster
Why was the piglet whining.
He was boared out of his brains.
What do you call it when a beautiful woman tries to trick you into giving her a pig?
A bae con.
What do you give a sick pig?
Oinkment.
How is a pig’s tail like 4 o’clock in the morning? It’s twirly.
I entered my pig into a pig race but he pulled a ham string.
Why don’t pigs eat cake? Because they’re morally opposed to bacon.
How do pigs write top secret messages?
With invisible oink!
What’s the number one complaint pig spouses have about one another? Too stub-boar-n.
A pig just won the lottery. What do you call him? Filthy rich.
What do pig’s use as soap? Hogwash.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
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