I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
How do fish get high?
Seaweed.
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Why do fish not like computers?
Because they are worried about getting caught in the Inter-net.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
Why are fish so smart?
They are always in schools!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do fish play the drums?
With Fish Sticks.
What is the difference between a fish and a piano?
You can’t tuna fish.
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
What fish like to fly?
Flying Fish
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
Why don’t fish play basketball?
Because they're afraid of the net.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
My wife got stung by a jellyfish and said, “Quick, pee on it!” So I peed on it and said…
“That’s for stinging my wife!”
What fish perform at the circus?
Clown fish!
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a fish that floats on the surface?
Bob.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
Why was the whale so sad?
The fish was said because he was a Blue whale!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
Why did the sailor throw a penny into the whale’s mouth?
The sailor thought he was was a wishing whale!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
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