What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Would you rather kiss a shark or a jellyfish?
A jellyfish. That’s a no-brainer.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What do you call a lazy crayfish?
A slobster.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
Where do fish wash?
In a river basin.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Whale, whale, whale…
If it isn’t a pod.
What is the funniest fish in the sea?
A clownfish.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What do you call a fish with two knees? A two-knee-fish!
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
What kind of fish do you find in a bird cage?
A perch!
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school.
There was a fight at the fish restaurant last night.
Two haddock got battered.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
What did the dolphin say to the blue whale?
“Cheer up!”
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What do you get if you cross an abbot with a trout?
A monkfish.
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Which fish can perform operations?
A Sturgeon.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
How do you catch an electric eel?
You can catch an electric eel with a lightning rod!
What do you call two octopuses that look alike?
I-tentacle twins!
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
Do you know where you take a sick squid?
To the doctopus.
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
What would you call a jellyfish combat veteran?
A man o' war.
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What do you call a FISH with no Eyes? A FSH.
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!