What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse?
The Codfather.
Jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not having brains.
This gives me hope for the next generation.
Why do you bring fish to a party?
You bring fish to a party because they go well with chips!
Why are mice afraid of the water?
Because of catfish.
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
If you can think of a better fish pun, let minnow.
What do whales do when they get angry?
They blow up and then let off steam.
What kind of fish will help you hear?
A herring aid!
Which murderer kills at the bottom of the ocean?
Jack the Kipper.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
How do fish get from place to place while playing golf?
With a golf carp,
Why couldn’t the clownfish buy a house?
The fish could not buy a house because he didn’t have an-e-mon-e!
What’s the easiest way to catch fish? Have someone throw it at you!
Why do fish swim in schools?
Because they can't walk.
What’s the coldest fish in the sea?
A blue whale!
How do you confuse a fish?
Put the fish in a round fishbowl and tell it to go to the corner.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
How do you circumcise a whale?
You send down four skin divers.
What are the fastest fish in the river? The motor-pike with a side-carp!
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
How do fish go into business?
The start on a small scale.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What kind of whale can fly?
A Pilot whale.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What did the fish say when it swam into a brick wall?
Dam!
What do fish take to stay healthy?
Fish take Vitamin Sea to stay healthy!
Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
How do you make a goldfish old?
Take away the “G”!
What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A seahorse.
Why are goldfish orange?
The water makes them rusty.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What did the fish say to the other fish? Pucker-fish!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
What do you call a fish with a tie?
Sofishticated!
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What sea creature never tells the truth
A lion fish.
Why is it easy to spot a Cinderella-fish? They have glass flippers!
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well-armed!
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a fish?
Swimming trunks!
Which fish go to heaven when they die?
Angelfish.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
What do you call a jellyfish on a plane?
A flightoplankton.
Where do shellfish go to borrow money?
The prawn broker.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
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