What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
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