Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
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