What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
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