What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
What breed of dog always gets cold?
A Bichon Freeze.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
What kind of dog sniffs out flowers?
A bud hound.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.