What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What type of dog doesn’t bark?
A hush puppy.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What is a dog’s favorite hobby?
Collecting fleas.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.