I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What is a dog’s favorite instrument?
A trom-bone
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What did the puppy say to his mum?
I woof you.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
How do Japanese chihuahuas say hello?
Konnichihuahua.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
I went to the Veterinarian today.
She really knew how to make my dog heal.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
Why did the dog go to the bank?
To make a de-paws-it. But unfortunately, there was a mastiff line.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What does a dog get when she finishes obedience school?
Her pet-degree.
What did the Golden Retriever say to the beautiful poodle?
You’re looking very fetching.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What does a dog love to eat while watching a movie?
Pupcorn.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.