My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why do dogs hate computers?
They can’t stick their heads out of those Windows.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
What do dogs increase?
The pup-ulation.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why do dogs find it hard to work the TV remote?
Because they always hit the paws button.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call dogs that look exactly the same?
Dogglegangers.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What do you get when you cross a dog with a calculator?
A friend you can count on.
The hotel said NO DOGS ALLOWED.
I guess it was a little too paw-sh.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you call a dog that sneezes?
Achoo-huahua.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
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