What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What’s a dog’s favorite condiment?
Fetch-up.
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Why was the skeleton afraid of the dog?
Because dogs love bones.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Why did the police dog get promoted?
Because he was the scenter of so many drug arrests.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
As long as your dog sticks by your side.
Anything is paw-sible.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
Why did the snowman name his dog ‘Frost’?
Because ‘Frost’ bites.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
Mistakes happen.
No need to terrier-self up about it.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What do you get when you cross a Sheepdog with a jelly?
The collie wobbles.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
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