What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
How do fleas get from place to place?
By itch-hiking.
My dog loves designer hand-bags.
So I got him a Poochi.
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
What do dogs have that no other animal has?
Puppies.
My dog hates the rain.
He doesn’t want to step in a poodle.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What do you get when you cross a dog and a frog?
A Croaker Spaniel.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
How do you know when your dog is lazy?
When it chases parked cars.
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
My neighbor had way too many dogs.
It’s safe to say that he had a Rover-dose.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
My dog loves Star Wars.
His favorite character is Chew-bark-a.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What did the clean dog say to the dirty dog?
Long time no flea.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
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