What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
What is a dog’s favorite brand of whiskey?
Jack Spaniels.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What do you call a dog that’s been left outside in the cold?
A chili dog.
What is an Italian’s favorite type of dog?
A ciao ciao.
What is a dog’s favorite pizza topping?
Pup-peroni.
What do you call someone who always takes pictures of their dog?
A pup-arazzi.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you call dogs who pay in the snow?
Slush puppies.
What do you call a sad pup?
A mellon collie
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
Whenever I go to a zoo, I only ever see dogs.
They were Shiht-zus.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
The expensive dog has gone missing.
However, police are saying that at least they have a lead. Once she is found they will Retriever.
What kind of dog keeps everything they own?
A hoarder collie.
My dog takes so long to get ready. He can never chews what to wear.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
Because he knew how to paws for dramatic effect.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
My dog has expensive taste in shoes.
So I got her some Jimmy Chews.
What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
That was ruff.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
Why don’t dogs bark at their feet?
It isn’t polite to talk back to your paw.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
When is the best time to paint a dog?
When they're asleep.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
That dog is so beautiful. She should be on the cover of Vanity Fur.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What did one flea say to the other?
Shall we walk, or shall we take the dog?
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
How does a Spanish dog say Merry Christmas?
Feliz navi-dog.
What do you call a cold dog?
A pup-sicle. Better steer clear, especially if he’s fur-ocious… don’t want him to give you frost-bite.
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
How do you keep a dog from smelling?
You hold its nose.
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