What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
I nearly kicked my dog out, but we renegotiated the terms of his leash.
Why did the dog cross the road twice?
He was trying to fetch a boomerang
Why do Dachshunds nap in the sun?
Because they’re hot dogs.
What do a tree and a bog dog have in common?
They both have a lot of bark.
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
What is a dog’s ideal job?
A barkeologist.
I painted my dog’s nails So he can look paw-ty.
What is a dog’s favorite dessert?
Pupcakes.
What do dog scientists to with their bones?
They barium.
Have you seen the new movie with the Dachshund?
Apparently it’s an Oscar Weiner.
What type of dog is best at timekeeping?
A watch dog.
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What happened to the dog who ate too much garlic?
Its bark was worse than its bite.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
My dog got a promotion.
She’s now a branch manager.
What do you call an old dog?
Grandpaw.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
What happens when you buy a dog from the blacksmith?
When he gets home he’ll make a bolt for the door.
What do you call a dog from the Wild West?
Clint Eastwoof.
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
I recently got two German Shepherds. Because
I wanted some paw-dy guards.
What is a dog’s favorite vegetable? A collie flower.
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What type of dog would be the best at portraying Tina Turner?
An Angela Bassett Hound.
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
Which dog won the race? A weiner dog.
What did the dog groomer say to her dentist?
I clean my canines every day.
What do you get when you cross a chili pepper, a shovel and a terrier?
A hot-diggity-dog.
What did the dog say when he had a bad day?
Today has been ruff.
Where do dogs go after the their tails fall off?
The re-tail store.
Who was the greatest dog detective?
Sherlock Bones.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What is a dog’s favorite coordinates?
K9.
What breed of dog will laugh at any joke?
A Chi-ha-ha
Why did the Dalmatian have to go to the eye doctor?
He kept seeing spots.
Sorry we missed puppy class.
My dog was wagging. There goes his oppawtunity for pawfect attendance…
My dog never stands up for himself.
He just rolls over.
Why was the dog chasing his own tail?
Because he was trying to make both ends meet.
What do a dog and a cell phone have in common?
They both have collar ID.
My dog recently joined a gang. Now he’s all about that pug-life.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
What do you do when your dog chews a dictionary?
Take the words out of his mouth.
My dog won’t get off the PlayStation He’s been playing Fi-fur all day.
Why are Dalmatians so bad at hiding?
Because they are always spotted.