My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
What kind of cat works for the Red Cross? A first-aid kit!
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Where does a cat keep its coins? In its purr-se.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What do you call a cat that has a hundred legs? A cat-erpillar.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
Where do cats go when they lose their tail? A re-tail store!
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What do you get if you cross a tiger with a kangaroo? A stripy jumper!
What is a cat’s favorite book? The Princess and the Paw-per.
Why did the cat get fined? He was caught littering
What type of cats usually purr the best? Purr-sians!
What is a cat’s favorite type of water? Purr-ified!
What do you call a cat that works at a printing shop?
A copy cat.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
Why did the cat run away from the tree? Because of its bark!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What's the difference between a cat and a complex sentence?
A cat has claws at the end of its paws and a complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.
What happened to the vet that was accused of negligence? They were sued for meow-practice
Why are cats bad at telling stories? Because they only have one tail!
Why can a leopard never hide for long? It’s always spotted
What is a cat’s favorite movie? The Sound of Mew-sic.
If there were ten cats in a boat and one jumped out, how many would be left? None, because they were all copycats!
What is a cat’s favorite song? Three blind mice!
What is a cat’s favorite kitchen tool? The whisk-er.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What did the cat say when it saw something scary? That freaks meowt!
What’s worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxi cabs.
What did the cat say when something bad happened? That’s un-fur-tunate!
What is a cat’s favorite vegetable? As-purr-agus.
What kind of cats love to go bowling? Alley cats!
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
Why was the cat not allowed on the computer? Because she tried to catch the mouse!
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
Why are cats scared of trees?
Because of their bark.
What do you call a cat teacher? A purr-fessor
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
Where do kittens learn to move around? On the catwalk
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
What did the lion say to his cubs when he was first teaching them how to hunt? Don’t cross the road until you see the zebra crossing!
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
I painted a picture of my cat’s feet today.
You could say it was a paw-trait.
What happened when the kitten turned one? She had a birthday paw-ty.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
What is a cat’s favorite magazine? Good Mousekeeping.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
What did the mom say to her kitten when she caught him slouching? Paw attention to your paw-sture!