If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a bear who practices dentistry?
A molar bear.
What kind of car does Yogi bear drive?
A Furrari.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
How does a bear stop a movie?
They hit the paws button.
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
I’ll think of another pun soon…
Just bear with me.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
How does a bear get from one place to another?
On a bear-o-plane.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
What do you call bears with no ears?
B.
What is a bear’s favorite dessert?
Blue beary pie.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do you call a Mexican bear with a rubber toe?
Robearto.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
Why do bears have sticky fur?
Because they use honey combs.
Why did the bear dissolve in water?
It was polar.
Why do bears have fur coats?
Because they look silly wearing jackets.
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
What do you get if you cross a grizzly bear and a harp?
A bear-faced lyre.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
What does Pooh Bear call his girl friend?
Hunny.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What do polar bears have for lunch?
Ice burgers.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig?
A teddy boar.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Which animal can hibernate while standing on its head?
Yoga Bear.
Why didn’t the teddy bear eat his lunch?
Because he was stuffed.
Why do grizzlies never look sad?
Because whenever there’s a problem, they just grin and bear it.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
Why wouldn’t the papa bear use a navigation system in his truck?
Because he never lost his bearings.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
What is a polar bear’s favorite cereal?
Ice Crispies.