Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
What do you call a bear with no arms and no legs?
An ambulance. This is no time for jokes.
How can you tell when a polar bear is moving?
There’s a “fur sale” sign in the yard.
What do you call a bear without any teeth?
A gummy bear.
What do you call a freezing bear?
A brrrrrrr.
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
Why did the sloth get fired from his job?
He would only do the bear minimum.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
What do you call a cemetery for bears?
Bearial grounds.
How do bears keep their houses cool in summer?
Bear conditioning.
What color socks do bears wear?
They don’t wear socks, they have bear feet.
How did the grizzly walk in the snow?
Bear footed.
A bear walks into a bear and says, “I’ll have a pint of lager……….. and a packet of crisps.”
The bartender says, “Sure, but what’s with the big pause?”
The bear replies, “I dunno, I was born with them!”
What did the bear say when her date showed up too early?
I’ll be out in a minute, I’m bearly dressed.
What do grizzlies use in the shower?
Bear conditioner.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What would bears be without bees?
Ears.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
What is a polar bear’s favorite snack?
Brrrrrittos.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
What is a bear’s favorite soda?
Coca Koala.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Why is it cheap to feed polar bears?
Because they live on ice only.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snow bank.
What do you call a bear with a bad attitude?
The bearer of bad news.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.