What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Where do gorillas keep their beehives?
Apeiaries.
What do you call a reptile that works on a farm?
An irri-gator.
A pony goes to see the doctor one day.
He says, "Doc, you've got to help me. I've had this terrible sore throat for weeks and I think there must be some badly wrong."
The doctor examines him and then reassures him saying, "It's okay, it's nothing serious; you're just a little horse."
Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
Q: What time is it when a tiger walks into the room?
A: Time to get out of the room.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
Why did a person with an unspayed female cat have to go to court?
For kitty littering.
Did you hear about the owl party?
It was a hoot.
What did the deer say when she met her favorite celebrity?
“I’m a big fawn of your movies!”
What do you get if you cross a pig with a dinosaur ? Jurassic Pork!
How do ponies react when the opposing team comes on the field?
They horse-boo.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
Q. What do you get if you cross a devilish deer with an evil cougar?
A. A hell cat.
Crows hold grudges. They're also fond of eating the dead. Now...
they've been found to copulate with corpses.
NeCROWphilia.
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
How do tigers like their cheese?
Grrrrreated
Experts suggest that the crows flying beak first into windows at a horrifying speed comit a murder suicide.
What did the panda say when he was forced out of his natural habitat?
This is un-bear-able.
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
What do you call a dinosaur that's a noisy sleeper? A Bronto-snorus.
How does a turtle feel after being electrocuted?
Shell-shocked.
Did you hear about the owl who married a goat?
The had a hootenanny.
What do you call a monkey that sells potato chips?
A chipmunk.
What do crows drink in order to stay awake? They drink cawfee.
Who is a snake’s favorite actor?
Humphrey Boa-gart.
What do cats do after watching a play? Give a round of a-paws.
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
What is a cat’s favorite game to play with a mouse? Catch!
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
What do you call a kids book about otters? Harry Otter.
Did you hear about the crab who went to a seafood disco?
He pulled a mussel.
What's invisible and smells like worms?
Bird farts.
How do you stop your dog from barking in your front yard?
Put him in your backyard.
What do you call a stoned, dyslexic crow?
A hybrid
What type of cat will keep your garden looking nice and tidy? A lawn meower.
What do you give a panda when it is sick?
Pandadol.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What’s the difference between a cat and a comma? One has claws at the end of its paws and the other has a pause at the end of a clause.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Beakaboo
A group of crows placed evenly between two margins is definitely a justified murder.
What happens when two snails get into a fight? They slug it out!
Q. Why are big gorilla turds always so stinking tired?
A. Because they're all pooped out!
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