What do you call a deer with hooves in his ears?
Anything you want — he can’t hear you.
How do you make a telephone in the jungle?
With toucans and a piece of string.
What is a nerdy alligator’s favorite programming language?
Jaw-va.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What do dogs and Santa have in common?
They are both seen Dachshund through the snow.
What's the difference between an owl and an Irish funeral?
One's awake in the night and the other's a wake in the day.
Where did Noah keep his bees? In his archive.
What is an owl’s favorite Beatles’ song?
Owl you need is love.
What is the camels’ favorite nursery rhyme?
Humpty dumpty.
What did the cat do to someone she had wronged? She a-paw-logized.
Why don’t Penguins like rock music?
They only like sole.
Where do koalas go to settle legal matters? A kangaroo court!
If dolphins lived on land, which country would they live in?
Finland!
Why was the pig a pathological liar? It’s a porcine-ality disorder.
How do you find out how heavy a whale is?
Take them to a whale-weigh station.
What is the only difference between a lion and a tiger? The mane part is missing in a tiger.
What is a cat’s favorite Tom Hanks character? Furrest Gump.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Baby flamingos really are badly behaved. I think it’s because their parents never put their foot down.
A group of crows is usually called a 'murder.' Technically, it's only a manslaughter unless there is probable caws.
Whatever floats your goat.
Why couldn’t the cat read a book? He was il-litter-ate!
The group of crows that attacked the lady was accused of murder, the cawps are still looking for the probable caws.
Why did the beaver refuse to laugh at any of the twig's jokes? He is not a big fan of dry humor.
What does an exhibitionist snake wear to the beach?
A pythong.
Why did the fish cross the road?
The chicken had the days off!
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What’s a goat’s favorite TV show?
America’s Goat Talent.
Did you hear about the short-sighted frog?
He had to go to the Hopthalmologist.
What did the koala write in his Valentine’s Day card to his girlfriend? “I love you-calyptus”.
What do you get if you cross a frog with a ferry?
A hoppercraft.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
What did the dinosaur say when he saw the volcano explode? What a lavaly day!
What fish are at the zoo?
Lion fish!
What do you call a famous turtle?
A shell-ebrity.
What do fish use for money?
Sand dollars!
My dog needed date ideas.
I told him to whine and dine her.
Who’s the penguin’s favorite Aunt?
Aunt-Arctica.
Why are pigs pink when they could be any pig-ment? Sow many reasons.
Why didn’t the lobster and crab share their lunch with an octopus?
Because they are too shellfish.
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
What do you call a blind dinosaur? adoyouthinkhesaurus.
Flamingos are pretty daring birds. They like just about anything, as long as it’s eggs-citing.
How do you know carrots are good for your eyes? Because you never see a rabbit wearing glasses.
Why did the mouse stay inside? Because it was raining cats and dogs.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
It’s easy to spot a sad flamingo. They get really blue.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
A week after the werewolf swallowed the farmer’s clock, it had ticks all over.
What do you call an owl dressed in armor?
A knight owl.
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