A spider called a tech support office.
He needed help connecting to the web.
I've just got a new job as a nursery rhyme cow.
I'm over the moon.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
A sloth walks in to a bar and waves to get the bartender’s attention, and says I’ll have...... a soda water.
The bartender replies “why the long paws?”
What do you call a veterinarian that specializes in canines?
A dogtor.
What did the bat say to the friend who itched and squirmined?
Come back when you have washed out the virmin.
The next round the wolf showed up at the butchery, he was arrested. This is because he was being tracked by the police for chop lifting.
What do you get when you cross a frog with a rabbit?
A bunny ribbit.
How did the sheep farmer become best in his field?
Shear luck.
What does the mummy parrot say to her baby? Beak-areful!
My wife asked why I prefer gummy bears to gummy worms.
I said that gummy worms are beneath me.
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
What's a fish's favorite musical instrument?
A bass guitar.
What did the cow who barged the other cow say?
Moo-ve!
Have you heard about the new book all about flamingos? Apparently it’s flying off the shelves.
What did the koala radio host say before going on a commercial break? “We’re going to take a small paws for our sponsors.”
What can one parrot do?
Not as much as toucan.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
What did the sushi say to the bee?
"Wasabee?"
The only things wolves have that no other animal on the face of the earth has are wolf cubs.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
Coming to Theaters: The thrilling tale of a man who cooked biographical books like turkey on Thanksgiving.
*Baste on a True Story...*
Have you ever heard of the Crows Law Of Energy Conservation?
It's also known as the Law of Caws and Effect.
What do you call a horse going down a waterslide?
Horseback sliding.
Where did the dog leave her car?
In the barking lot.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
How do you stop a bear from charging?
Take away its credit cards.
How do you get a one-armed monkey out of a tree?
Wave to it.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
Why did the duck go to the bank?
Because he wanted to get a new bill.
Why did the owl invite his friends over?
He didn't want to be owl by himself.
Why didn’t the baby leave his momma?
Because he couldn’t bear it!
A wolf that uses bad language is known as a swearwolf.
What kind of computer does a worm have? A Macintosh.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
Why did God create Yogi bear?
Because on his first try he made a Boo-Boo.
What do llamas always say after yoga class?
“Llamaste.”
Who brings presents for crows on Christmas? On Christmas? Santa Caws
What did the snake give to his wife?
A goodnight hiss.
What kind of shoes do frogs wear?
Open toad sandals.
What do you call a dinosaur with high heels? My-feet-are-saurus
What was Muhammad Ali’s favorite breed of dog?
A boxer.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight? He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Knock Knock!
Who is there?
Beaver Y.
Beaver Y. who?
Bea-ver-y quiet, you are in a library.
What was the motto of the unique deer? Deer to be different!
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