What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
Why did the deer go to the spa?
“To doe off some steam!”
What’s it called when a bunch of pigs compete in athletic games?
The Olympigs.
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What do drunk kangaroos play?
Hopscotch.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
My wife was describing the pair of Toucans the zoo recently acquired.
I responded "You mean a four-can?"
My dog is very poor.
He can’t afford a “woof” over his head.
A star athlete in Koalaville got kicked off the Olympic team for cheating. Unfortunately, he was diskoalafied.
How does a crab go when it's right?
"Aw, snap!"
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What do you call a pig who can’t mind his own business?
A nosey porker!
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Which frog has horns?
A bull frog.
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What do you call an animal you keep in your car?
A Carpet
Who has large antlers, a high voice and wears white gloves? Mickey Moose!
What's a sheep's favorite art style?
Baa's Relief
What’s the first thing a gorilla learns in school? The ape b c’s.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
How did the horse make payments?
In in-stallion-ments.
Have you ever heard of Pavlov’s dog?
Yeah, he rings a bell
What do you call a funny parrot spoof
A parody
What is a cat’s favorite horror movie? The Purrrge!
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
What is a good place for bat jokes?
A public bat room.
What do whales like to chew?
Blubber gum.
What do you call an alligator that will only eat sacrificed lambs?
A hallaligator.
What do you called a crow that cant find his way?
A lost caws
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What do you call the ghost of a chicken? A poultry-geist.
For goat’s sake, that’s enough.
Why did the beaver cross the river? To get to the other side of the river.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
I am an introvert, but you know how to bring me out of my shell.
What fish only swims at night?
A starfish.
What hotel do mice stay in ? The Stilton
Why do people hate bee puns?
Because they don’t want to beelieve they are good
What do you call a flying monkey?
A hot air baboon.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
I saw a lion in a bar, trying to pick up a lioness literally half his age
and I'm like "man, you must have *no* pride"
Why couldn’t the dog fit in his clothes?
He was a little husky
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
Had beaver curry last night.
Bit like a normal curry, just a little otter.
One day I saw a squirrel burying lotto tickets under a large bush, so I asked him what he was doing.
He told me he was hedging his bets.
Q. What is a gorilla's favorite toy?
A. A bab-boom-orang.
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