What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
Would you mind watching my pet parrot while I’m out, as long as it’s not too much of a birden?
Why should you never share a bed with a pig? They hog all the covers.
What would a winged horse put in the bathtub?
A pegaLush bath bomb.
What kind of music do sophisticated frogs listen to?
Hopera.
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What do you call a bat with ebola? African batman.
What do you call a lobster with a Christmas hat?
Santa Claws
Who is a beaver's most favorite pop singer ever? Justin Beaver.
I used to know two birds who excelled in ballet...
They were two toucans.
What did the cowboy say when his dog ran away?
Now wait just a doggone minute.
Why was the doctor’s favorite patient a cat? Because she has nine lives!
What's green and dangerous?
A frog with a hand-grenade.
What goes dot-dot-croak, dot-dash-croak?
Morse toad.
What did the deer say to her daughter?
“Soon you’ll be all doe-n up!”
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
What do you call a cold penguin?
A Brrr-d.
A worm child comes home. It sees mom and asks: "Mom, have you seen dad?"
Mom says: "Dad went fishing with the guys."
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
What do snakes do when they get angry?
They throw hissy fits.
What birds should you recycle?
Toucans.
What do you get when you cross a tiger and a snowman? Frost-bite!
I caught a fruit fly in the air and killed it.
I'm a gnatural born killer.
What kind of ant is good at math?
An account-ant.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
What do you get when you cross ants with ticks?
All sorts of antics.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
What do llamas say when you tell them something obvious?
“No spit, Sherlock.”
What did the dog say when he sat down on sand paper?
Rough.
If you have a bee in your hand, what do you have in your eye? Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder.
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What would a tiger running a Xerox machine in the back of a store be called? A copycat.
If a monkey has thirty bananas in one hand and forty bananas in the other hand, what does he have?
Very big hands.
What did one beached whale say to the other beached whale?
Long time no sea.
For waterproofing their nests, crows buy caw-king.
That romantic cow took his new girlfriend to the moo-vies.
What do you get when two giraffes run into each other?
A giraffic jam.
What does Spider-man become when he joins the circus?
an aracnobat.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw? Because they don't know how to cook it.
What do you call a mouse with no balls?
Optical.
Have you ever had a dream about a bear eating you?
I call them bite-mares.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
Q. What does a doe stripper at a stag party take off?
A. Everything but her un-deer-wear.
What does a winged horse drink from at a party?
A keg-asus.
What would you get if you crossed a turkey with an evil spirit? A poultrygeist!
Why don’t ants get sick? Because they have little anty-bodies.
Where do otters keep their money? In the river bank!
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