What do you call a large group of sick pandas?
A Pandamic.
What’s a Chinese bear’s favorite organ of the body?
The panda-creas.
What do you call a super articulate dinosaur?
A Thesaurus.
An electrocuted turtle feels shell-shocked.
My pet turtle died.
I'm not upset - just shell-shocked.
My uncles petshop really started doing well when he started selling parrots. They literally flew off the shelves.
Why didn’t the teddy bear want any dessert?
He was already stuffed.
What’s a deer’s go-to ice cream flavor?
Cookie-doe.
What did the deer say to his friend during their night in the woods?
This is so much fawn!
Why wasn’t the dog a smooth talker?
Because he couldn’t stop saying “ruff ruff”.
Where did the independent cat decide to live? In Catalonia!
The sheep says to the shepherd "you're an jerk and I hate you!" and the shepherd says "Say what?"
And the sheep goes "You herd me!"
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
What kind of horse do you ride after dark?
A night mare.
What do you call an alligator that makes others fight?
An instigator.
What do you call a monkey in a minefield?
A baboom.
What type of dog chases anything red?
A bull dog.
What did the duck say when he bought lipstick?
"Put it on my bill."
What did the dog order at a restaurant?
His owner’s homework.
What do you call a tiger who always gets the same grades as one other person? A tie-ger.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
What do chickens study in school?
Eggonomics.
Do You Know How Crabs Get Around On Land?
They Use The Sidewalk!
Why did the mouse eat a candle?
For some light refreshment!
What did one glow worm said to the other one?
You glow girl!
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
What did the baby goat say to his father?
I kid you not.
Which dinosaur slept all day ? The dino-snore!
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
What do cows sing at their friend’s birthday parties?
“Happy Birthday to MOO, Happy Birthday to Moo!"
What did the bat complain about?
Flying with such frequency was exhausting.
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What’s black and white and stands in the corner?
A naughty panda.
What type of dog can use a phone?
A dial-matian.
What is a koala bear’s favorite line in the movie “The Sixth Sense”? “Aussie dead people.”
What is a dog’s favorite book?
Harry Paw-ter and the Sorcerer’s Bone.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What noise does a gorilla’s doorbell make?
King Kong
What do you call an alligator who is holding a compass?
A navigator.
What do you get if you cross a kangaroo with a cow?
A kanga-moo.
Why did the duck cross the road?
He was tied to the chicken.
What does a horse do when it smells rotten seafood?
It scallops outta there.
A muslim woman wanted to adopt a gorilla. Her husband wouldn't allow it.
He said, that's haram, bae.
What do you call a hamster in between two slices of bread?
A ham sandwich.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why was the horse such a good dancer?
It perfected its halturn.
What do you call a militia of pigeons?
A coo.
A spider saw a car he liked at the dealership and decided to take it out for a spin.
What kind of letters did the snake get from his admirers?
Fang letters.
A priest is the best catch for a tiger as they like to prey.
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