Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
A lion would never play golf.
But a Tiger Wood.
An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching a dolphin do some excellent tricks.
The dolphin notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he jumps higher out of the water and calls out, 'Can you all see me now?' And they respond: 'Yes.' 'Oui.' 'Sí.' 'Ja.'
What do you get if you cross a new born snake with a basketball?
A bouncing baby boa.
What do you call someone who tells too many dinosaur jokes?
A dino-bore.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What did the deer say to his friend when he suggested a trip to the park? Good i-deer!
What did the deer say when he left the barbershop?
“I feel like a million bucks!”
What do you call a dinosaur who is elected to Congress? Rep. Tile!
Why did the dog fail his driving test?
Because he couldn’t parallel bark.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
What did the dolphin detective say to his partner?
Something smells fishy!
Jellyfish and peanut butterare sea turtles favorite sandwich.
How does a penguin build it’s house?
Igloos it together.
Flamingos are known by a different name when they dress up to go out – they call themselves glamingos.
Why did the firefighters bring a dog along with them?
To help them find the nearest fire hydrant.
What's the difference between a sniper with Parkinson's Disease and a constipated owl?
One can shoot but can't hit...
If you had fifteen cows and five goats what would you have?
Plenty of milk.
Why do dogs run in circles?
Because it’s hard to run in a square.
What do cats eat on hot days?
Mice cream.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with an alarm?
An alarm cluck.
What do you get if you cross a skunk with a bear?
Winnie the PU!
I said some stubtly racist stuff to a magpie
She was a victim of my crow aggressions.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
My dog loves poetry.
Especially William Shakes-paw.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a parrot? A carrot!
What does a dog wear when it’s cold outside?
A pet-ticoat.
My pet raven, Poe, started coughing... thought it was Corvid-19, but then the bird flu away. Think I will see him nevermore.
What do you say to a procrastinating pig? Listen, bud, it’s snout or never.
What did the zoologist and the herbalist name their child? Tiger Woods.
Why don't dinosaurs ever forget? Because no one ever tells them anything!
What did the Inuit say to to Englishman After he wanted some seal?
"I've got Nunavut."
Hit the hammer that judges have and says “worm court is in session”. Then says
“All writhe”
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What’s the super-confusing way that pigs say I love you? “I a-boar-you.”
Where should you never take your dogs shopping?
The flea market.
How long do chickens work?
Around the cluck.
What do you call it when you boil a water buffalo?
A mist steak.
How do you know if it’s too hot in the chicken barn?
The chickens are laying hard-cooked eggs.
What do llamas always say when they introduce themselves?
“Fleeced to meet you.”
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
How do elephants bathe?
With their trunks on.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with an elephant?
An animal that remembers where it hid its nuts.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Why did the horse go to jail?
The prosecutors failed to show the burden of hoof.
What do you get if you feed gunpowder to a chicken?
An egg-splosion.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
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