Q. Will a sensible stag do something dangerous to impress a doe?
A. No, not even on a deer.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
Why did the bat break up with her girlfriend?
She thought she was a pain in the neck.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
What did the wife beaver say to her astronaut husband? You are otter this world.
What do you call a fly with no Wings?
A walk.
Why don’t rabbits get hot in the summertime? They have hare conditioning!
What do you get when you cross a cow and an earthquake?
Milkshake.
Why did the dog walk in to the saloon?
He was looking for the man who shot his paw
Why did the two bears break up at the North Pole?
They were polar opposites.
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd.
The beaver offered some freshly streamed buns to his guests.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a Martian?
An eggs-traterrestrial.
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
How can a bear catch fish without a pole?
They use their bear hands.
What did the beaver say to the river? Meet me around the bend.
I've always liked Buffalo Springfield....
....For What it's Worth.
Who puts money under a deer’s pillow when they lose a tooth?
The hoof fairy.
What's the difference between an otter and a navy aircrewman?
At least the otter knows he's not a seal.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
What kind of helmet does a hermit crab wear?
A shell-met!
Did you know that camels can last longer without water than se*?
They can go three weeks without water, but can't go a day without a hump.
Why was the penguin so annoying?
Because he was always fishing for complements.
Who gives crocodiles presents on Christmas?
Santa Jaws!
My dog’s favorite band is The Beagles.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What's the best time of year to see gorillas in the wild? Ape-ril.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
What do you call an insect that can’t drink milk?
Lactose intoler-ant.
Why do Otters swim on their backs?
To keep their nuts dry.
Why are parrots so loyal? They are a man of their bird!
What did the boyfriend mouse say too the girlfriend mouse family? Mice too meet you.
Why are tigers striped? Because they never want to be spotted.
Before the Koalaville basketball team can play for the national championship, they have to make it through the koalafying rounds.
What's the opposite of an elephant?
An eleph-antonym.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
I love walking my neighbor’s dog. It’s the leashed I can do.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do you get from a bad-tempered shark?
You get as far away as possible.
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
Decalfeinated.
My friend asked me how my pet crow communicates…
I replied, “Microwaves”.
When my wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo,
I had to put my foot down.
What did the bat say to the diabetic? Nice knawing you!
What do koalas do when they’re facing a tough situation? They grin and bear it.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
What is the most expensive kind of fish?
The goldfish.
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