Time flies like an arrow; fruit flies like a banana.
What do you call a bat with the flu?
An airborne disease.
Why do mice need oiling?
Because they squeak!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
My two cats had a fight today.
They soon hissed and made up though.
Today I learned that a giraffe’s neck is so strong a human can climb up it.
Also, I got banned from my local zoo.
What do you get when you cross an alligator and a poison frog?
A croakadile.
What’s black and white and as hard as a rock?
A panda that’s fallen in cement.
I've just thought of a really funny owl joke, but I can't use it until 2/8/20.
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What is a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and Speak!
What did hear about the two bats meeting?
It was love at first bite!
If a lamb and tiger were crossed, you would end up with a striped sweater.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
How come Crabs never share with their friends?
Because they're Shellfish.
Who is a polar bear’s favorite musician?
Seal.
The last ten times I’ve been to a fancy dress party, I’ve gone as a shark.
The joke’s wearing fin.
What food did the Gorilla order when he went to France?
Ape Suzettes.
A crow’s favorite nutty dessert is Pecawn Pie.
Where do ants go on vacation?
Frants.
I wondered why flamingos were so strong, so I did a little research. Turns out they do a lot of eggs-er-cise.
What do you call a dinosaur that lost his glasses? uthinkhesawrus
What do winged horses attend in school? Pegclasses.
A Zebra said to a Lion “Let’s swap roles for a while."
The Lion said “ I’m game!”.
A crab didn't help his friend,
he's shellfish.
What did the banana say to the monkey?
Nothing, bananas don’t talk.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
If pigs learned to fly, would the price of bacon skyrocket?
skyrocket
Why do mice need oiling ?
Because they squeak !
A detective recently came into town to visit the new sushi restaurant
He heard there was a fishy business.
What do you call a bird that can fix anything?
Duck Tape.
Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop?
He called it “Ham Hocks”
Which bat can hang the highest and longest?
The acro-bat.
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!
What are ants made of?
Antimatter.
What kind of work do pigs do after school?
Hamwork.
How did the kittens express their love for each other? In Holy Catrimony
I told a friend that I thought his pet zebra was a fake. He said, “Well spotted”.
What is a frog's favorite time?
Leap year.
Why are frogs so happy? They eat whatever bugs them.
What did the kitten say after a disaster? That was cat-astrophic
What do you call a cat that is scared of small spaces? Clawstrophobic!
How do mares keep track of their boyfriends?
A stud book.
What newspaper do cows read?
The Daily Moos.
Did you hear what happened to the Energizer Bunny? He got arrested for Battery.
What do you call a grizzly bear who gets caught in the rain?
A drizzly bear.
What is a dog’s favorite pick-up line?
You must be my backyard… because I dig you
How do winged horses walk if they become pirates?
Peg-asus legs.
What is a dog’s favorite movie series?
Fifty shades of Greyhound.
What did the disappointed deer say? Oh deer!
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