Why are some fish at the bottom of the ocean?
Because they dropped out of the school.
What fruit do vampire bats like the best?
Neck-tarines.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What did the Australian cowboy charge for kangaroo rides?
A Buckaroo
One of the punny pig names for a pig that loves Shakespeare is Hamlet.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What’s black, dangerous and hides in trees?
A crow with a machine gun.
Why are flamingos such good patients?
They’re used to wading.
A saber tooth tiger would never blow anything up.
But a dino might.
The truck load of tortoise that crushed caused a turtle disaster.
Why did the chimpanzee cross the road?
Because he had to take care of some monkey business.
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
I just saw a huge killer fish singing and playing guitar in the city center.
I think it must be a busking shark.
What medicine do you give to sick ants?
Antibiotics.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
I once tried crossing a flamingo with a cement mixer. Sounds crazy, but I really wanted a good brick layer.
What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer.
What do you get if you cross a bat with a woodpecker?
Bat-a-tat.
What’s the difference between a marine biologist and a dog?
One tags a whale, the other wags a tail.
What do you call a happy penguin?
a Pen-Grin!
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
The good pony apologized to the tiger at the zoo for his sore throat, he said: "I am sorry, I am a little horse."
Each time the cow escaped, the farmer would find him hiding in Moo York City.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
If a goat grows a beard, is it a goatee?
Where do fish save their money?
In the river bank.
Who would win a game of hide and seek between a dalmatian and a tiger? The tiger because he wouldn't be spotted.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What was the first car Henry Fordasaurus invented? A Model T-Rex.
My husband was allergic to my cat so I knew I had to get rid of him… so I’m looking to rehome Gerry, he’s thirty-five and works in accounting!
Why did the rabbit like the adventure? It was a “hare-raising tail.”
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
How does an octopus go to war?
Well armed.
What natural disaster took out the ancient horses?
A volcanic stirruption.
What do you call a fascist mosquito?
Benito Mosquitollini.
Where do beavers keep their money? Well, they keep it in the riverbank.
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
When you cross a wolf and Fred Astaire, you get dances with wolves.
Where do fish stay on a campsite?
Fish stay in tentacles while they are camping!
Their engagement is yet to be made offishell.
What do you call a really happy ant?
Exuber-ant.
What do you get if you cross two snakes with a magic spell?
Addercadabra and abradacobra.
What did the river say to the beaver? You look so tide'y.
What dog does Dracula own?
A blood-hound.
What did the river ask the beaver? "Water you doing today?"
Q: What’s a tiger’s favorite color?
A: Roar-range.
Just had Lobster Bisque for the first time!
It was souper good!
Why do tigers always hunt and eat their prey raw?
Because they don’t know how to cook it.
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