How do you make a glow worm happy? Cut off its tail and it will be de-lighted.
What do you get when you cross a pig and superman?
The Man of Squeal.
Why is Pegasus so smart?
He’s all kno-wing.
Which color is a zebra's base color? The debate is endless, and there is no clear answer.
It both is and isn't a black-and-white issue.
Where do horses live in Harry Potter?
Diagonal Alley.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Why do cats not laugh at jokes? They take things too litter-ally.
What do you get when dinosaurs crash their cars? Tyrannosaurus wrecks!
What do a crab, a lobster, and a Japanese guy run over in the middle of the road all have in common?
They're all Crushed-Asians!
Q: Why are tigers religious?
A: Because they prey frequently, and prey as a family!
What do you call a polar bear in Florida?
A solar bear.
When does a bat go "mooooo"? When it is learning a new language!
What do you get if you cross a whale with an elephant?
A submarine with a built-in snorkel.
What part of a fish weighs the most?
The scales.
What did the gorilla wear when he was cooking in the kitchen?
An ape-ron
What always succeeds? A toothless parrot! (sucks seeds)
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
Why did the turtle cross the road?
To get to the Shell station.
What do you call monkeys who share an Amazon account?
Prime mates.
I watched a good film about fishing last night.
It had a great cast.
I get beavers and similar animals mixed up.
I otter know better.
What kind of deer make great weather forecasters?
Rain-deer.
I got in a fight with a crab yesterday.
When I punched him he ran, goon.
Why are houseflies great at arithmetics? Because they multiply really fast.
What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
‘I want to hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand!’
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Q. What did Ena say after Bambi was killed by a semi truck?
A. He will be dearly missed.
What do you get when a dinosaur blows it's nose? OUT of the way!!
The reason you will see all the cows lie down when it starts to rain is because they want to keep each
udder dry.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you get if you cross a cat with a dark horse? Kitty Perry
Why did the turkey sit on the tomahawk? To hatchet.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
Why did the junkie adopt a one legged crow?
So he could get crow cane from his vet.
The collective noun for kangaroos is a "troop". What is the collective noun for cars?
A Lot
What did the nervous crow do? The crow proceeded with caw-tion.
What was the dog’s favorite book?
Winnie the Pooch. He loves to read a lot of story tails before bed.
What is a koala’s favorite type of fruit? Bearies.
Why was the conservative buffalo disappointed in his child?
He was a bison.
What did the husband beaver say to the wife beaver to express his love and gratitude? You are the one for me, waddle I do without you?
Why did the horse like her new backpack?
The straps were adju-stable.
Why did the sloth get fired from his job? He would only do the BEAR minimum.
Why can’t you screw with whales?
because they hump back.
What do dogs eat for breakfast?
Pooched eggs.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What’s a horse’s favorite fruit?
Canterlope.
What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
What did the beaver mention to a tree? It has been nice gnawing you.
Why did the penguin cross the ocean?
To get to the other tide.
What is a cat’s favorite type of bird? An e-mew!
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