If you want to name a smart pig, name him Cunningham.
Why did the Archaeopteryx get the most worms?
Because he was an early bird.
Why did the farmer put his cow on the scales?
He wanted to see how much the milky weighed.
Flamingos are great at surfing the internet. I think it’s because they have webbed feet.
What do you call a group of crows who see food?
A tempted murder.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Why do owls shower so often?
So they don’t smell fowl.
Where do fish sleep?
On a seabed, and sometimes they vacation at the river bed.
We did not understand what the mother turtle was saying because it was all in ridleys.
What do you call a pig that gets the test answer wrong?
Mistaken bacon.
How do you know you have a tape worm?
It’s comming out of your belly!
What happened when the dog ate a firefly?
He smiled with de-light
You can always find the little cows eating lunch inside the calf-etiria.
Q. What do you call the stench that comes from antlered roadkill?
A. A foul o-deer.
Why don’t anteaters get sick?
Because they’re full of antibodies.
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What sound does a turkey's phone make? Wing! Wing!
What do you call it when a Crocodile becomes an Elvis Impersonator?
Crocabilly
Where do rabbits learn how to fly? In the hare force!
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
Knock, knock!
Who’s there?
Pig…
Pig who?
Pig on someone your own size!
What kind of fish do Penguins catch at night?
Starfish.
What do you call an American Bee?
A USB.
What do you call a white skinned gorilla?
Honkey Kong.
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
What’s black and white and red all over?
A sunburned panda.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
A homicide detective walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Hey look at those birds outside," the bartender comments to him. "Did you know that a group of crows like that is called a murder?"
"Well you can't be sure that's a murder," the detective says. "Unless there is probable caws."
Where do otters come from?
Otter Space.
I know a guy who absolutely loves his pet Parrot.
He is Polly-Amorous.
What did the dolphin do to the woman who was rude to it?
Flipper off!
3 animals enter a bar. A lion, a tiger and a bear.
Oh my!
Which state of America has lots of cats and dogs? Petsylvania
What did the kitten do when she wanted to order something? She looked in the cat-alog!
What do you call an otter with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Why couldn’t the pig tie his shoelaces? He was too ham-fisted.
What do cows get when they are sick? Hay Fever.
Who’s a llama’s favorite actor?
Al Pacacino.
Which dinosaurs were the best policemen? Tricera-cops.
The tiger came went to the salon. Now, other animals of the jungle call him 'Shaved Khan.'
Did you hear about the croc and rooster that had a kid together?
It was a crocadoodledoo.
Young goats should be careful when they're out and and about and shouldn't jump into a stranger's car.
That's how you get kidnapped.
That raven is so stubborn at times, he just needs to crow up.
No one really enjoys crying wolf. However, the boy did cry just to get a howling experience.
Where do flies go for a holiday?
Flywaii.
Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for Mother’s Day?
They threw a sowprize party.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around. I'm pretty sure I have the corvid.
What advice did the grandpa pig have for his kids?
“Don’t take anything for grunted.”
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
What is a crocodiles favourite dessert?
Brandy snaps.
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