What happened to the cat that went to the flea circus? She stole the whole show.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up
What do you call an outlaw goat?
Billy the Kid.
What do ducks get after they eat?
A bill.
What does a bookworm do during a baseball game? Worm the bench.
How do shellfish get to the hospital?
In a clambulance!
Why was the mouse afraid of the water?
Catfish.
How do bats tell their future? They read their horrorscope.
Walking through the farm and a group of pigs jumped out of a tree at me. It was a hambush.
How many worms does it take to eat a zombie?
It depends on the size of the zombie!
A flamingo only ever asks for a plaster when it hurts its pinky.
What do horses eat with their salad? Dressage-ing.
What do you call a horse running on a table?
A counter canter.
People in Iran are scared of spiders
But in Iraq, no phobia.
On one bright Sunday morning, one long lost wolf finally met his longtime classmate. “So, Howl’s it goin’!”
The big cat was known around town to wear a lot of funky ties. Everyone called him the tie-ger.
Why shouldn’t you shoot an alligator?
He’ll just bite the bullet and make the best of it.
What is a crows favorite vegetable?
Corn on the caawb.
I was riding my bike through the countryside when I was attacked by a herd of sheep!
Fortunately, I was only grazed.
What do you call two polar bears jerking each other off?
Bipolar.
Turtles communicate with each other through shell phones.
A crow was arrested under suspicion of murder. The case was closed, as the judge said he had just caws.
What do you get if you cross a squirrel with a kangaroo?
An animal that keeps its nuts in its pockets.
What type of key opens a banana?
A monkey.
Where do monkeys go to drink?
To the monkey bars.
What’s a hen’s favorite type of movie?
A chick flick.
Why did the chicken go to the zoo?
To get to the otter slide.
Why can’t you trust snakes?
They speak with forked tongues.
Did you hear the story about a Golden Retriever who brought a ball back from miles away?
It was far-fetched.
What goes dot, dot, dash, squeak? Mouse code!
Why don’t dolphins play basketball?
Because they’re afraid of the net!
What do you call a group of dyslexic crows?
A redrum.
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What was the puppy's costume for Halloween?
The Big Bad Woof.
What did one beaver say to the other at the river? Dam it.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
What did the baby chicken say when he saw his mother sitting on an orange?
Dad, look what marma-laid!
What do chickens grow on?
Eggplants.
What did the father buffalo say to his kid when he left for college?
Bi son!
What did the grape say when the bat squished on it? Nothing, it just let out a little wine!
Do you know how long dinosaurs should be fed? Exactly the same as short dinosaurs!
The beavers avoid going deep-diving now. They saw one beaver hitting rock bottom.
A flying turtle is called a shellicopter.
Why did the chicken stop in the middle of the road?
Because it wanted to lay it on the line.
Have you ever tried crossing a lion with a flamingo? It will be pink, that’s the mane thing.
I had a bet on a giraffe race yesterday but my selection lost.
It was nowhere near winning – it lost by a neck.
What is the poshest breed of dog?
A Cavalier King Charles Spaniel.
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tickle it in the middle and see which end laughs!
Dog to Waiter: Are there any bones in this?
Waiter to Dog: Yes sir, why’s that?
Dog to Waiter: Because I really dig them!
Where do the teenaged polar bears go to dance?
To the snow-ball.
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