Our local winery recently starting using a flock of sheep to keep the grass from getting too long.
At least that's what I herd through the grapevine.
Where do horses go to the bathroom?
The bathroom stall-ion.
Why are Siberian tigers so happy at Christmas time? Because it is snowy, and they get to look like white tigers.
What do you get when you cross a shark with a snowman?
Frostbite.
How do you get two whales in a car?
Start in England and drive west.
What do you call two monkeys sharing an Amazon account?
Prime-Mates!
In order to be efficient, I named my parrots Roger, Gene, and Mick.
Two Byrds, one Stone.
What game do bats like to play with birds?
Bat-mington.
What’s a llama’s favorite drink?
Llamanade.
What did the goat farmer’s wife say to her husband when he was swearing on the job?
“Not in front of the kids!”
What do you call a funny snake?
Hissssssterical.
How can you tell where the Easter Bunny has been? Eggs mark the spot.
What did the worm say to his friend when he got stuck in pumpkin?
Worm your way out of that one!
What makes more noise than a dog barking outside your window?
Two dogs barking outside your window.
Why do cows have no money?
Because farmers milk them dry.
A flamingo can be a really good friend to have. However, they generally fit the bill really well.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What is a worm's favorite band? Mud.
Did you know that a group of crows is called a murder?
Well, technically it’s only a murder if there’s probable caws.
What kind of car does an otter drive? A Furrari.
When you cross a wolf and a monkey, you end up with a howler monkey.
How do baby chickens dance?
Chick-to-chick.
Q. Why was the lady baboon so atrracted to the big gorilla?
A. 'Cause he had s*x ape-peal.
Q. Where do lady gorillas go for a wild weekend night out?
A. Chimpendale's.
As soon as one beaver jumped in the river to search for his key, it got shocked, as the current was too strong.
What does a cow put on his French toast?
Moooolasses.
How do frogs die?
They Kermit suicide.
One of my friends who hates crows, looked at a flock of crows, I saw murder in his eyes.
What would you call a dream where a koala bear is eating you? A bite-mare.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a parrot?
I don't know, but when it talks, you better listen.
What is a cat’s favorite state of America? Connecti-cat.
Q. What is another name for elk diarrhea?
A. Chocolate Moose.
People always talk about the 'Eye Of The Tiger'. No one talks about the other four letters.
What did the maggot say to another?
What's a nice maggot like you doing in a joint like this?
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
What is a bear’s favorite drink?
Koka-Koala.
Q: How did the tiger perform during the show?
A: He was a roaring success.
Why are flamingos the happiest birds? They live with no reggrets.
Why did the bunny cross the road? He wanted to prove he could hip hop!
What’s a dog’s favorite breakfast?
Woofles.
A lobster's favorite shot in tennis?
The lob.
Why didn't the frog park on the side of the road?
He was afraid of getting toad.
Have you heard about the gorilla who got a name change?
Peaches the gorilla escaped from the zoo, but when they got him back they had to change it because it turns out he had become an Ape Re-caught.
What did the weather reporter say to his wife?
“I hope it doesn’t rain, deer!”
Why should you never fight a Gorilla?
They know king kong fu.
If you ever own a koala as a pet, make sure you can keep track of it by putting a koalar around its neck.
How do turtles communicate with each other?
With shell phones.
What’s a horse’s favorite grocery store?
No-fillies.
How do you get down off an penguin?
You don’t – you get down off a duck.
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