I used to own a raven. It could speak English, but the only word it could speak was "car".
What’s the one way you should never greet a male pig? “Sow, what’s up?”
What’s big and grey and wears a mask?
The elephantom of the opera.
What’s a deer’s favorite place to get ice cream?
Deery Queen.
Why don't you want to sleep in the sheep pen?
It would be total bedlam!!
What do you get if you cross a bat with a ball?
A home run.
What sport do wasps love?
Sting-pong.
What do jellyfish and a girl after prom night have in common?
They can't be deboned.
Is it true that a dinosaur won't attack if you hold a tree branch? That depends on how fast you carry it!
India is a very peaceful country.
Because nobody has any beef over there.
I thought swimming with the dolphins was expensive, but swimming with the sharks cost me an arm and a leg!
Q. Which square dancing step do stags enjoy most?
A. The Doe-si-Does.
What is just as big as a gorilla but literally weighs nothing?
A gorilla's shadow.
When you come across a werewolf with no legs, how do you call it? Call it anything because it cannot chase you!
What happened when a bat misbehaved in night school?
She got suspended.
What do you call a food stamp inside of a burrito? An otter fortune cookie
Did you hear about the doctor who was practicing bee venom therapy without a license?
He was arrested in a sting operation.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
Why did the girl pour glue into her fishbowl?
She wanted to make a fish stick!
What do sloths make when it snows? Slow Angels.
Why did the chicken cross the road halfway?
She wanted to lay it on the line.
Why don't alligators like fast food?
Because it is difficult to catch.
What’s a pig’s favorite color? Ma-hog-any.
What do you call an ant running away with another ant?
Ant-elope.
Local restaurant has kangaroo loin and it’s actually pretty good
It’s been awhile since I had it, but I remember it being a little jumpy and has a kick.
How did the tigers greet the other animals in the jungle? "Hey! Pleased to eat you."
What was the most famous bat comedy team?
Ab-bat and Costello.
Q. What does one teen buck say to oad another into doing something risky?
A. I double deer you!
Why shouldn’t you drive with a vampire?
He will drive you batty.
Why don’t dolphin do well on school tests?
Because they work below C-Level!
What's a frog's favorite flower?
A croakus.
How do bats line up in school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
My dog went on his first date.
But she was a mal-TEASE.
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
He fits the bill.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What do you say to a bee that bothers you?
"Buzz off!"
Where does a 2,000 pound gorilla sit?
Anywhere it wants to.
What’s black and white and very noisy?
A panda with a set of drums.
My friend said, "I bought a parrot for my son that has red and blue feathers."
I said, "Your son must look very strange."
I got an email today saying I could win $10,000 in a fishing competition.
But I'm sure there's a catch involved somewhere.
What do you call it when a family passes down a turkey recipe?
Copy and basting.
Kiss me if I’m wrong, but dinosaurs still exist, right?
How did the beaver build the insides of a dam using logs? He logged in.
Why was the farmer angry?
Because someone got his goat.
What do you call a wasp who is having a bad hair day?
A frizz-bee
Why can’t you breed a eel with and eagle?
It’s Eeleagle.
What do you call a parrot without feathers? Bald!
What kind of car do bears drive?
Fur-aris.
What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.
Wondering what crows wear during Halloween, well, they wear caw-stumes.
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