What do crows read? Cawmics.
What’s in the middle of a jellyfish?
A jelly button.
What did the bus driver say to the frog?
Hop on.
Q. How do you describe a stinking filthy buck?
A. Deer-ty.
When alligators need energy, they just slug down some gator-ade.
Which flower is known as the most ferocious flower? A tiger lily.
What is the opposite of a flamingo? The answer is, a flaminstop.
Why did the guy kill the fly?
It was bugging him.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet? blood-thirsty hacker baby
What happens when two frogs collide?
They get tongue tied.
I tried to keep a koala in my house, but the smell was just unBEARable.
What do you call it when a giraffe swallows a toy jet?
A plane in the neck.
What do deer always use to clean their homes?
Comet!
Why did the dog go to university? To get a pe-digree.
Why do dinosaurs eat raw meat? Because they don't know how to cook.
Why was the horse a great editor?
She was very thorough bred.
Who granted the fish’s wish?
The fairy cod mother!
What do you say to an overbearing pig? Stop porcine the issue.
What kind of books do owls read?
Hoo-dunnits.
Why do turtles never forget?
Because they have turtle recall.
What do snakes do after they have a fight?
Hiss and make up.
How do penguins make a decision?
Flipper coin.
What would you hear at a cow concert?
Moo-sic.
I stole seven crows yesterday.
Got away with murder.
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
I once had a conversation with a dolphin.
We just clicked.
Did you know that the blue whale is so big, that if you laid it end to end on a basketball court …
The game would be cancelled.
What is the difference between a car and a bull?
A car only has one horn.
What do you call a snake that is 3.14 meters long?
A pi-thon.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws.
What is a deer’s favorite meal of the day?
“Deer-ner.”
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
How does a baby beetle get around?
In a buggy.
You can catch a lot of flies with honey
But you'll catch more honeys being fly.
Why are kangaroos good at brewing beer?
They have hops.
Two male zebras in the Zoo started making rap-music.
They're called the Zbruhs.
What is a pink bird's favorite dance? Flamin-tango.
Why don’t bears eat fast food?
Because it’s hard for them to catch.
What do you call an ant with five pairs of eyes?
Ant-ten-eye.
Why does the rabbit bring toilet paper to the party? Because he is a party pooper.
I recently took a trip to Alaska. We ate at a fancy restaurant where the chef made us an amazing meal from native animals and vegetables we helped forage. I asked if he had ever had whale blubber or seal meat.
He said "nah, I’m not really Inuit."
On which day do tiger eat people?
Chewsday
Flamingo parents are really cute with their babies. You should see them playing Beak a Boo.
Who is king of all the mice?
Mouse Tse Tung!
Why are parrots the life of the party? Every day is their bird-day!
Which chicken is at the top of the pecking order?
Attila the Hen.
What is a baby parrot's favourite game? Beak-a-boo!
What do you call a cat that gets what they want? Purr-suasive.
What do you call a frog with no back legs?
Unhoppy.
What do ducks watch on TV?
Duck-umentaries.
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