What did the dog say to its fleas?
Stop bugging me
Why won't the dog listen to the farmer's sheep jokes?
He's herd them all.
What did one chicken say to the other after they walked through poison ivy?
“You scratch my beak and I’ll scratch yours!”
How do you make a fish laugh?
Tell it a whale of a tale.
What do you call a bunny who was raised in a hotel? An inn-grown hare.
What did the Gorilla say when he saw there was a sale happening?
Ooh! OOh! OOOh!!!!
Q. What do you call gorillaS who just monkey around at the gym?
A. Buff-oons
Who do elephants get their Christmas presents from?
Elephanta Claus.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What do you get when you cross a bee and a sheep?
A bah-humbug.
What do you call a large dog that meditates?
Aware wolf.
A mosquito was trying to land on my arm.
I shook it and said:
"Not on my watch."
What do goats eat?
Goatmeal.
Who is the worm's Prime Minister? Maggot Thatcher.
Was the koala able to complete the grueling 26-mile marathon? Bearly.
Q: Why did the tiger cross the road?
A: To stop the zebra crossing.
What do you get if you cross a glow worm with some beer?
Light ale!
What is a parrot's favourite colour shade?
Polly-chromatic
Old gorillas never die, but they do go bananas.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
Did Rudolph go to school?
No, he was elf taught!
What happened when the Easter Bunny met the rabbit of his dreams? They lived hoppily ever after.
What do you call a maternal Turkish robot water weasel?
An Ottoman otter-mom automaton.
What is it when one cow spies on another cow?
A steak out.
When a pig takes out a loan, he becomes a boar-ower.
What do horses use to eat?
Breastplates.
What did the deer say to his sulky friend?
“Buck up!”
Who’s the head of the penguin navy?
Admiral Byrd!
Accidentally ran over a French seal today .
Phoque.
Why do pandas like old movies?
Because they’re in black and white.
If your piglet wants to be a wizard, there’s only one alternative: Hogwarts.
How do horses show gratitude?
Flank you very much.
What do you call a chicken that crosses the road, rolls in the dirt, crosses the road again, and then rolls in the dirt again?
A dirty double-crossing chicken.
When is a black dog not a black dog?
When it’s a Greyhound.
My Chinese neighbour said he's just opened a crows shop.
Speaking slowly, I said "you mean a *clothes* shop?"
He says, "No, a crows shop - come in and have a rook."
What do dogs say when something cool happens?
Paw-some.
How do you write a book about bats? With a ghostwriter.
An introvert elephant and an emo giraffe walked into a bar.
They couldn’t fit in.
What do you call an bat with a carrot in each ear? Anything you want as he can't hear you!
Are Jellyfish sad that there are no Peanut Butter fish?
Why did the chicken go to KFC?
He wanted to see a chicken strip.
The only difference between pea soup and roast beef is anyone can roast beef.
If a crab worked in a pizza parlor, which station would it work?
The crust station.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Why did the Apatosaurus devour the factory? Because she was a plant eater!
Why do snakes always measure in inches?
Because they don’t have any feet.
What did the horse say to his friend that didn’t come party last night?
You didn’t turnout.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
What do you get when a dinosaur walks through the strawberry patch? Strawberry jam.
What does a squirrel wear on its feet?
Cashews
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