What did the worm say to the other when he was late home? Where in earth have you been.
What does Harry Potter use when sealing packages?
His Parceltongue.
Q. What can a buck take after a night of drinking at a stag party?
A. Elk-a-seltzer.
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What two members of the cow family go everywhere with you?
Your calves.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
Have you guys tried kangaroo beer?
It’s a little hoppy.
What happened when the pig pen broke?
They had to use the pig pencil.
What do gorillas and orangutans wear in the kitchen?
Ape-rons.
What do you call a parrot with an umbrella? Polly unsaturated.
What did Shakespeare say when he was angry with his Dalmatian?
Out, out, damned spot.
A bunch of crows ganged up and killed a chicken.
It was a murder most fowl.
What did the kangaroo say while volunteering at the homeless shelter?
More-soup-y’all?
What’s a kangaroo’s favorite year?
A leap year.
How do you catch a squirrel who's interested in ornithology?
Climb a tree and act like a nuthatch.
If you mix a ghost and a cow together, you will create vanishing cream.
Who does a fish call when his piano breaks?
The piano tuna!
What is a koala’s favorite exercise?
Bearobics.
Where do cows go on vacation?
Moo York.
Kangaroo: [dials 9-1-1] I can’t find my kids!
9-1-1: Did you check your pockets?
Kangaroo: [pats pouch] Oh… nevermind.
How do you invite a dinosaur for lunch?
Tea, Rex?
Heard about the devoted beaver who crossed the turbulent river? He took a leap of faith!
Why did the dolphin blush?
Because it saw the ocean’s bottom!
Because they got turtle recall, turtles never forget.
Why couldn’t the old cat see? He suffered from car-aracts
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What kind of monkey likes seafood?
A shrimpanzee.
What do mountain climbers share around the campfire?
Goat Stories!
What do you call a bear that jumps but never lands?
Peter Panda.
Who was the criminal crow running from? The cawps.
What do rabbits put in their computers? Hoppy disks!
A guy walks into a crow bar
It's a murder scene
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
What did the Easter bunny say about the Easter parade?It was eggs-cellent.
How do you communicate with a fish?
Drop him a line.
When a girl saw a sad alligator at the zoo she asked him; hey are you cai-man?
What do fish use to weigh themselves?
Scales!
Where do fish go to watch movies?
At the dive-in.
I saw a squirrel throw up today! It was nuts!
What do you call a holy squirrel?
A chipmunk.
The scare crow was out standing in his field, so he got awarded as the best employee of the year.
My dog wants to be a tradesman.
I think he wants to be a woof-er.
Why did they let the turkey join the band? Because he had the drumsticks
What is a baker’s favorite type of icing?
Fawn-dant.
Which type of dinosaur could jump higher than a house ? Any kind! A house cannot jump!
There are good and bad times to buy a flamingo. Bad times are when they’re expensive, the best times are when they’re cheep.
What’s a gorilla’s favourite pop group? A: Bananarama!
What game do fawns like playing at sleepovers?
Truth-or-deer.
What is a cat’s favorite color? Purr-ple.
Ravens fans are so tough....they hang out in crowbars.
What do you call someone who loves dogs?
A pug addict.
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