Sometime flamingos get fixated on one thing, and it can be hard to get them to see things from another pers-peck-tive.
Q. What do you get when you cross a doe with a bull?
A. A deery cow.
Psychologist: What brings you here today?
Squirrel: I realized I am what I eat….. Nuts.
What does a turtle do during winter? Sit by the fire and worm himself up.
What’s worse than a giraffe with a sore throat?
A centipede with athlete’s foot.
What do you call a Spanish pig?
Porque.
In what type of weather is the vet the busiest?
When its raining cats and dogs.
My wife: Did you know a single dolphin can have more than 200 offspring?
Me: Wow How about the married ones?
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
How can you tell you’re in a pig wine bar? Because everything’s swine.
What do you call a handsome seal?
Mr. Seal Yo Girl.
How do monkeys get down the stairs?
They slide down the banana-ster.
I asked my dog why he was having a bad day.
But all he said was “ruff”.
Q. What did the doe say to the louse on her new baby fawn?
A. Gosh deer nit!
What’s the difference between a gross bus stop and a crab with large breasts?
One’s a crusty bus station and the other is a busty crustacean.
What do you call a bee who never brags?
A humble-bee
Why did the bat walk in her pijamas to take a bath?
Because she did not have a bat robe.
Where do Russians get their milk?
From Mos-cows.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
How do you offer a camel tea?
"One hump or two?"
I have so many Easter puns, it’s not even bunny.
How does a horse get a suit fitted?
With a tail-or.
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
Why didn’t the boy believe the tiger? Because he thought it was a lion!
What do chicken families do on Saturday afternoon?
They go on peck-nics.
Where do pigs learn about magic?
Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.
What martial art do monkeys practice?
Flung Poo.
Q: What do tigers and computers have in common?
A: They both have mega bites.
What is a pirate’s favorite’s fish?
A pirates favorite fish is a swordfish!
Why was the picture of the dog sent to jail?
Because it was framed.
What do you get when a chicken lays an egg on top of a barn?
An eggroll.
Why did the owl 'owl?
Because the Woodpecker would peck 'er.
Why did the bunny bang his head on the piano? He was playing by ear!
Why was the Navy Seal sad?
He doesn't like the color blue.
What goes black, white, black, white, black, white?
A panda rolling down a hill.
What’s black and white and bounces?
A rubber panda.
Why did the two boa constrictors get married?
Because they had a crush on each other.
Why do pandas have fur coats?
Because they’d look stupid in denim jackets.
When can three giant dinosaurs get under an umbrella and not get wet? When it's not raining!
Where does a baby monkey sleep?
In an apricot.
Who is not hungry at Thanksgiving? The turkey because he's already stuffed!
Tigers are probably the most roarsome animal ever created!
What’s a pig’s favorite holiday? Ar-boar Day.
Where do you take a sick hornet?
To the waspital.
What’s a shark’s favorite movie?
The Shaw-shark Redemption.
I had a flamingo come to stay with me when he had a cold. We nicknamed him phlegmingo.
What cheese do you use to get a bear out of a tree?
Camembert.
Q. What do you call an entertaining gorilla eating a banana?
A. Ape peeling.
What is smarter than a talking cat? A spelling bee.
What’s a mouse favourite family sitcom?
Full Mouse.
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