Which day of the week do chickens hate most?
Fry-Day.
Is a mountain goat a hillbilly?
Anything unrelated to elephants is irrelephant.
Why are pigs awful basketball players?
They hog the ball.
My pet crocodile needs help
Can I give him gatorade or does it only work for alligators?
What does a horse call her best friend?
Her mane chick.
I do find that flamingos don’t plan very well for the future… They’re too prone to putting all their eggs in the one basket.
How do you give a deer a compliment?
“Fawn over him!”
Why did the spider crawl up the elephants leg the second time?
It got pissed off the first time.
What do you get when you cross a pig and a cactus?
A porky-pine.
What do bees use to build roads? Nec-tar.
Who wears red and brings catnip to sleeping kittens? Santa Claws!
What do you call a group of crows eating a box of corn flakes?
A cereal murder.
What should you give a deer when it gets stomachache?
Elk-a-seltzer.
What is a three toed sloth's favorite kind of chip?
Fritos.
Why did the tiger eat the tightrope walker?
It wanted a balanced diet.
What’s the one book all piglets read in grade school? A Series of Un-porcine-ite Events.
If you have a line of 100 rabbits in a row and 99 of them take 1 step backwards, what do you have? A receding hare line.
What do you call a dog who can fight?
A Boxer.
How do worms measure their length?
They ask a tape worm to help out!
Why did the otter cross the river?
To get to the otter side
What is the name of Santa’s rudest deer?
Rude-olph.
What did the duck eat for snack?
Salted Quackers.
Where does the Easter bunny get his eggs? From an eggplant.
What do you get when you cross a bat with the internet?
Blood-thirsty hacker.
A seal goes into a bar and the bartender asked him,"What will it be Mr seal?"
The seal responds,"anything but a Canadian Club".
How can you tell which end of a worm is which?
Tell it a funny Halloween joke and see which end laughs!
What do you call a kangaroo in Africa?
Lost.
What do you call it when cephalopods start becoming more strict about things?
Kraken down.
What are the cat police called? The claw Enforcement.
Why did the lobster blush?
Because the sea-weed.
How does a horse make paper mâché?
With newspaper clip-clop-pings.
What did the duck say when he dropped the dishes?
“I hope I didn’t quack any.”
What is a Leatherback Sea Turtles favorite sandwich?
Peanut butter and jellyfish.
When I was younger, I dressed up as a frog and robbed a bank.
That was the first time that I Kerm-itted a crime.
Why does the dolphin kingdom never go to war?
Because it would defeat the porpoise.
What do you call a duck with fangs?
Count Duckula.
Cows wear bells around their necks because it is moooo-sic to the farmer’s ears.
Which condiment is a mouse’s favourite?
Mouse-tard.
It was reported that a tiger recently exploded in the forest fire. They say it was a Royal Bang-al Tiger.
What happens when a duck flies upside down?
It quacks up.
I just had a pint of kangaroo beer
It was a bit too hoppy for me
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Why was Pegasus such a good ballerina?
He was flo-wing.
What do you get when you cross a sloth and a Scottish rock band? Slow Patrol.
What do sea monsters eat?
Fish and ships.
How to fish like to eat cereal?
In a fish bowl!
I have a flamingo friend who has a fantastic imagination, but they are always indulging in flights of fancy.
What kind of dog loves bubble baths?
A shampoodle.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney