Which fish is the most famous? The starfish.
A mosquito can fly, but a fly cannot mosquito.
What do you call an italian mosquito?
Malario.
If I ever find out the name of the surgeon who messed up my limb transplant, I’ll kill him…
With my bear hands.
The story of the chicken and cow running away together sounds like a cock and bull story to me.
How does a deer know what day of the week it is?
It looks at its calen-deer.
He’s not a bad dog.
He’s just a little ruff around the edges.
How can you tell the difference between an English and French crow?
"PourCUAWWW! PourCUAWWW!"
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
What do you call a luxurious ant?
Decad-ant.
My sister asked me for some spider puns.
I told her to look them up on the web.
Who is the wasps' favorite singer?
Sting.
It’s pretty easy to choose your favorite type of bird
Flamingos have a leg up on all the rest.
Why did the dinosaur cross the road? Because the chicken joke wasn't invented yet.
Why did the bee get married?
She found her honey.
What does the parrot get at the end of a restaurant meal? The bill!
How do pigs get to the hospital?
In ham-bulances.
Why do squirrels like to sit on telephone poles?
To stay away from the nuts on the ground.
What reads and lives in an apple? A bookworm.
How do snails get their shells so shiny? They use snail varnish!
What is the most effective way to cook a crocodile?
In a croc pot.
What do you do if a rabbit keeps pooping in your yard? Take him to a pellet court.
What do confused owls say?
Too-whit-to-why?
Why did the fish blush?
Because it saw the ocean's bottom.
How many tickles does it take to make a squid laugh?
Ten-tickles!
What did one Emperor Penguin say to the other?
Nothing, he just gave him the cold shoulder.
How did the horse break into the mainframe?
It was a hack.
What’s a buck’s least favorite sandwich bread?
Sour doe.
Why did the cranberries turn red?
They saw the turkey dressing!
What’s the best way to make a bull sweat?
Put him in a tight jumper.
Why don’t snakes drink coffee?
Because it makes them viperactive.
Why don’t crabs donate to charity?
Because they’re shellfish
What did the deer say when her crush told her a joke?
“You are doe funny!”
The feeling you get when you think you have heard these cow puns before is known as deja-mooo.
What did the fish say when he posted bail?
I’m off the hook!
Dad: Where do desert nomads buy their camels?
Son: I dunno. Where?
Dad: at Camelot.
What's a goat's favorite organ?
A Kid-ney
What do you have left after a pig eats a watermelon?
Pork rinds.
What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fishually impaired.
Q. What is a gorilla in a wheelchair called?
A. Dis-ape-led.
Who called it a goat petting zoo...
and not Close Encounters of the Herd Kind?
Where do the monkeys get their gossip?
They hear it on the ape vine.
What is gray, hairy and lives on a mans face?
A mouse-tache!
It's just a lot of croc 'n' roll.
What is a dog’s favorite type of homework?
A lab report.
Which type of whale can fly?
Pilot whales.
What do yuppie sharks like to drink?
Jaw-va.
What did the outraged female deer say to the mule?
How deer you!
How do you make a duck sing soul music?
Put him in the microwave until his Bill Withers
What is a pink bird's favorite kind of dance? Flamenco.
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